Today at Gawker.TV, Stephen Colbert gets a spot on the Olympic team, Simon Cowell seems to have gone soft, the premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras, Steven Seagal's still patrolling the roads for crime, and Bear Grylls hijacks an oncoming train.

Love cigarettes, but hate the hassle of lighting them? Go back to South Korea, 1972. Unfortunately, it never caught on and Kyu-bong's invention, as well as $20,000 worth of research, went up in smoke.

Today, Rachel Ray got the scoop on how Snooki's nickname came to be. She was hesitant to reveal her secret at first but after encouragement from her castmates, ended up sharing her tale of underage promiscuity to the world.

New York's scaffolds are about to get a makeover. Yes, those "sidewalk sheds" that you try to avoid walking under in case one of them collapses on your head when you least expect it (left!), may soon be a thing of the past.

Happy Goldman Sachs Bonus Day! As we mentioned earlier, Goldman announced today that its 2009 bonuses will total $16 billion, spread (very unevenly) among its 32,500 employees. We thought we'd take a look at how they spend our money.

deputy mayor of Amsterdam on why brothels should close between 4am and 8am, according to Reuters. The prostitute union's spokeswoman counters: "This is not a good idea, this is the time when the prostitutes can make the most money."

Nat Geo has a fine television show called Taboo, which last night explored the American obesity epidemic. It included a segment on the 'Miss Plus America' pageant. One contestant's skill was karate. Here, a clip of that skill. Taboo: destroyed.

Perhaps the weirdest attack John McCain made against Barack Obama in 2008 was his brief summer campaign charging that Obama was a celebrity. Because Americans, you know, like celebrities. And this year's Republicans have finally learned that lesson.

Betty White came on George Lopez's show and stunned the audience by calling herself "a whore," making references to her sagging breasts, and talking about her desires for Robert Redford. 88-year-old Betty White— this is why we love you.

Here's how those "Charles & YaVaughnie" billboards came to be, according to people the couple spoke to: Charles was publicly sucking up to his wife, while mistress YaVaughnie was busy launching an incriminating online photo album. Spurned lover, much?

Doris, an abusive average-sized woman, liked her men little and financially stable. Ramon, a little person, planned to earn Doris' affection by performing as a comic musician. His incessant rehearsal drove Doris to violence resulting in his death.

Because the current way to get Botox—exit home, get into vehicle, travel to doctor's office—is way too taxing and time-consuming, Los Angeles is now home to the first-ever "mobile cosmetic care service," in which a doctor comes to you—in a "nondescript SUV"—and is in and out of your place in ten minutes. Something tells us NYC won't be far behind. [Luxist]

In your cool-person Thursday media column: Neel Shah's style secrets exposed, a job appears in the media(!), the NYT's web delay explained, and Donald Graham doesn't give a fuck about your hit pieces.

Bear Grylls has no trouble stomping on and over nature. Last night he ran into trouble when a rapidly moving train trapped him in a tunnel. He proceeds to climb train that nearly killed him and presumably hijacks it.

Today, a kinetically challenged man meets the most friction-deficient road.

Jets owner Woody Johnson says he's endured a "brutal couple of weeks" since learning of the death of his troubled (and estranged) daughter, Casey Johnson.

Child beauty pageants, typically for little ladies and mothers who dream of bedazzled babies, went co-ed on last night's Toddlers & Tiaras premiere. Two boys, Cruz and Maddox, competed in rhinestone tuxedos, suffering the same torments their stage sisters face.

It was just announce that most of the business spaces in the Fire Island Pines will be purchased by FIP Ventures, a group consisting of Seth Weissman, former CBS journo Andrew Kirtzman, and real estate developer Matthew Blesso.

Last night's MANswers explains a lot of things, the least repulsive of which is what to do if you're shot by an arrow. Lie back and let Spike TV save your life.

Here's a little thing to make you feel ancienter and terribler than you already do: On Monday, the most watched show of all the shows was iCarly. Yes, Nickelodeon's techno-feminist revision of I, Claudius is very, very popular.