Today at Gawker.TV, Stephen Colbert gets a spot on the Olympic team, Simon Cowell seems to have gone soft, the premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras, Steven Seagal's still patrolling the roads for crime, and Bear Grylls hijacks an oncoming train.

Simon Cowell Might Be Sabotaging This Season's American Idol
The only people who make it through the Idol screening process are freaks, people with borderline talent, and people with actual talent. This year Simon seems to be saying yes to the first two at an alarming rate.

Stephen Colbert Makes the Olympic Speed Skating Team
After being called a 'jerk' by Shani Davis late last year, Colbert takes to the ice with one goal: To prove that with only two hours of training he can beat the three world records holder at his own game.

The Little Princes of Toddlers & Tiaras
Child beauty pageants, typically for little ladies and mothers who dream of bedazzled babies, went co-ed on last night's Toddlers & Tiaras premiere. Two boys, Cruz and Maddox, competed in rhinestone tuxedos, suffering the same torments their stage sisters face.

Steven Seagal Loses His Grip on Reality on Lawman
As Steven Seagal: Lawman nears its season finale, it's pretty apparent Seagal will not be placed in any dangerous situations. But that doesn't mean he can't speak to the camera like he's the baddest man on the force.

Bear Hijacks a Train on Last Night's Man Vs. Wild
Bear Grylls has no trouble stomping on and over nature. Last night he ran into trouble when a rapidly moving train trapped him in a tunnel. He proceeds to climb train that nearly killed him and presumably hijacks it.