As promised, Kate Major—the former Star celebrity reporter who left journalism behind to pursue love with Jon Gosselin (which didn't quite work)—has answered five questions for you, the bloodthirsty internet hordes. Below: regrets, journalism, heroes, and celebulove.

Wall Street may be raking in record profits right now. But unless bankers start go out and suddenly start spending those massive bonuses on meals, liquor, entertainment, clothing, and real estate, well, we're all pretty much screwed: "The city's unemployment rate soared to 10.6% last month from 10% in November, a sign that record Wall Street profits and hints of a national recovery have yet to reverberate through the local economy." [Crain's]

Hair is holding an open casting and it is plagued by crazies from far and wide who don't really want to get to Broadway, they just want attention. Thanks American Idol, now instead of auditions, we have the freak parade.

The only people who make it through the Idol screening process are freaks, people with borderline talent, and people with actual talent. This year Simon seems to be saying yes to the first two at an alarming rate.

After being called a 'jerk' by Shani Davis late last year, Colbert takes to the ice with one goal: To prove that with only two hours of training he can beat the three world records holder at his own game.

an anonymous woman who says she had a falling out with the alien fashion plate formerly known as Stefani Germanotta when she was first starting out in New York City, to the New York Post.

Ted Olson, the attorney who won Bush v. Gore, also won today's Supreme Court campaign finance decision. He is basically terrible! But here is the twist: he is arguing for gay marriage in the ongoing Proposition 8 suit!

Good god. Remember that little outbreak of a mysterious intestinal illness at the New York Times that shut down the company cafeteria earlier this month? Well, they've run some tests, and...we don't know how to tell you this...it's... Norovirus. (*Checks Wikipedia.*) Dang that makes you throw up and poop!

Japan continues its cultural dominance over the entirety of American broadcasting with a game show in which animals navigate through a racecourse of dominoes while humans look on and cheer nervously.

"I don't see the votes for [passing the Senate bill] at this time." -Nancy Pelosi

Remember that place called "Starbucks" back in the day? Hahaha, people used to go there and drink coffee and things and instantly stereotype themselves by walking into this "Starbucks," a magical portal to a narrowly defined world of laughable cultural stereotypes? No wonder it totally fell off the map of relevance last year and disappeared into the thoroughly unsexy world of hobo coffee.

Barbara came back to The View this morning after an extended absence. So, what's she been up to? Out shaking her frail, elderly booty at a Lady Gaga concert, of course! Luckily for us, she demonstrates her hip dance moves.

We, the Senate of the United States of America decree that we can improve the quality of side-by-side sleeping—commonly known as spooning—for all Americas. We hereby decree:

Body armor isn't just for rappers and security-obsessed paranoiacs. Thanks to the trend in all things militaristic, more and more people are picking up bulletproof vests, or jackets, shirts, and coats lined with bullet resistant kevlar. Even faux bulletproof vests are in, apparently:

The woman was dragged away by security, but she later chased the soccer player down the street and then aired the whole thing on her TV show, with impunity. TMZ cries sexist double standard, because a man could never do that to a lady and get away with it. But we're wondering if the real double standard they're mad about is that they're like totally not allowed to crotch-grab celebrities. They asked, and Harvey said no.

One would think that the men brought in for a "Guys Tell All" segment would would say provocative things of the day. Instead, it's Kathie Lee, who turned the conversation to an immature level. Would you expect any less?

Spain is close to banning TV ads for "slimming products" and plastic surgery before 10 p.m.—which would make them even more restricted than alcohol ads. Even though alcohol makes you fat and surgery makes you pretty? Savages. [Ad Age]

Nothing maximizes workout potential like the energizing spirit of the lord. Love singing praises in the highest and working up a sweat to a smooth beat? Gospel Aerobics unites the two pursuits, letting you worship God and bod simultaneously.

For the second time in the show's history, Dennis Quaid got mic'd-up on Ellen to go undercover. He was Ellen's slave; shouting, spinning and following Ellen's every command. This time, some poor delivery guy was victim to the Quaid/Degeneres creepiness.