Since Gawker now covers art: A woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on Friday got way too excited about Picasso's "The Actor". She fell into it, ripping a six-inch hole in the rare Rose Period painting. Update:

Supposedly speaking about the supposedly forthcoming Apple Tablet iPad, Steve Jobs was supposedly overheard saying: "This will be the most important thing I've ever done." Unless it makes snacks or transports people to booty calls, almost, but not quite. [TechCrunch]

Art! Who goes there? We do, now. In the latest installment of our fortnightly art column, Kesley Keith handicaps who's going to be running New York's gallery scene, now that Jeffrey Deitch is going to LA. Bets: on the table!

It was announced last week that the well-reputed paint-huffing punks of VICE were partnering up to share their VBS.TV content with CNN—the 30 year-old broadcast news network, America's first all-news channel—on their website. Does it mean anything?

Lady Gaga's been performing at Manhattan's Radio City, and naturally, the "penis" must come up...literally, as evidenced by this French website, with funny French words about Lady Gaga, and pictures of a guy, naked, in traffic. What's it all mean?!?

As mentioned earlier, TMZ had been holding their tongue to report on the now widely circulated rumor that Brangelina were going to cause the earth's core to melt by separating. They've now weighed in, and the decision goes like this:

Sam's Club—which is owned by Wal-Mart, which is basically one of the more awful corporations in America—just announced 11,200 job cuts. What's surprising is that those cuts are coming from an essential Sam's Club experience: samples.

It's the big game! Today's a huge day for football, and Weddings Expert Phyllis Nefler thinks you can use it to get laid! And maybe FIND LOVE. Apparently, so does the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations, who might've shown you how!

This New York Times profile of 73 year-old Frank Serpico, legendary cop whistleblower: awesome reading. He's old, bearded, Hermit-y, interrogates trespassers with sleds, and still talks about being shot in the face. But also: has a French girlfriend! Dope. [NYT]

It'd appear that Apple has a very, very strict no-call-no-show policy: three times, and you're done. A Genius Bar employee volunteering with an NGO emailed his whereabouts, but it wasn't enough.

All's fair in love, war, and the love-strewn war of getting your kid into private school around here. Interview's playboy publisher Peter Brandt knows this, and via an awesome Stalker Spy, went to new extremes in order to do so.

Sports fandom has been a part of movies since the dawn of man. Singles featured eloquent soliloquies about the merit of Xavier Daneilt and Celtic Pride taught us it was okay to kidnap the star player on the Utah Jazz.

HEY. Hey now. When the New York Post got themselves an advice columnist, what'd we do? We tried to help. Know what Page Six does when we get Star-reporter-turned-starfucker Kate Major as our journalism ethicist? Writes a mean, smelly diss!

Like Bombs Over Baghdad, Brangelina Breakup insanity continuous through the morning. Andy Dick's non-story sobriety. Johnny Carson: miserable bastard. Michael C. Hall: cunning cancer strategies. Sundance suckage, Susan Boyle rocks, Axl Rose doesn't. Presenting your epic Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Post #14? I think we can call it a night. After all, tiring day: all of this TOLDJA!™ business and domestic disquiet and fratty pussies and C.O.C.K. all up in everyone's faces. Your open thread, with SAG winners, right here.

OH GOOD GOD THIS CAN'T. WAIT. UNTIL. TOMORROW. HUG LOVED ONES. DON'T STAND NEAR ANY WINDOWS. SHELTER YOUR THIRD-WORLD CHILDREN. GO TO CHURCH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Brad and Angelina appear to be breaking up. UPDATE: Perez offers dissent.

It'd appear that The Hollywood Hardass™ herself, Deadline Hollywood Daily's Nikki Finke, has trademarked one of her very loud, angry catchphrases. Can you guess which one? And can you guess what practice Ms. Finke has rallied against in the past?

Leo Allen likes to be prepared and thinks you should too. He's compiled a witty comeback to every possible situation under the sun. Write these down in your notebook and you'll never have to search for the perfect retort again.

Richard thinks I hate all of you. That's not true! Just...most of you. So I made my own meaningless superlative you can win: The C.O.C.K. Award! Anyway, somebody had something good to say. It was about The Jews. Naturally.

The Jesus Tablet Blog recently uncovered documents deep within the US Patent Offices suggesting that the iPad was the Apple Tablet's name based on their battles against Fujitsu for it. Now they're moving ahead with a U.S. trademark battle.