Richard thinks I hate all of you. That's not true! Just...most of you. So I made my own meaningless superlative you can win: The C.O.C.K. Award! Anyway, somebody had something good to say. It was about The Jews. Naturally.

Here, Uncle Billy Slumming, you win the first C.O.C.K. ever:

Oh someone needs to do a hit on Chabad like was done to Acorn. Not sure if I told this story before... I lived at a Chabad House in college. They had taken in some Jewish students to occupy their newly renovated building. The rent was minimal and the the rooms were big and clean. Just had to abide by the rules. A rule: could not have girls in the room with the door closed. One night a friend comes over with two girl friends. We sit and talk, with the door open. Big fat rabbi shows up in the doorway: "I thought we told you no girls in the room. You're out of here." I reminded him politely that the rule was "no girls in the room with the door closed." He closed the door. "You're out of here." I was the last one left anyway, since they had kicked out the others on technicalities before me, so I really didn't mind going, but they can take their Talmud and shove it so far up their fat hypocritical pedophile asses they choke.

Not to mention all the rabbis' kids going down to play video games after dark on shabbat, and letting Barbara Streisand Bob Dylan drive into the underground lot after dark on Yom Kippur (indeed... it was not a problem letting Dylan's son roller skate around the lot while dad was upstairs bolstering his own identity). And Barbara... didn't see it with my own eyes, but hear tell afterwards that she was praying with the men.

In short, Chabad, go take a shower and go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely, A True Jew.

If you don't already hate her, or if she doesn't hate you, your mother is now proud of you for winning today's C.O.C.K. Also, would appreciate a call. As for the rest of you, we're gonna do this more often! So GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. The C.O.C.K. might come for you.

[Note: The Comment Of the Creative Kind award is at the sole discretion of the Weekend Editor: He will post two a weekend, every weekend, whenever he wants, based on whatever criterion he wants. Maybe more. Maybe less! If you don't like it, you can eat shit and die, or at the very least, write a better comment. If you want to win some C.O.C.K.s, you'd best do to not be these overly sincere maxiezoomdweebies who show up and say stupid things, or correct me on what they think is proper grammar, or who bitch about what I cover. Also, agree with everything I say and kiss my ass. That helps. OH. Also: be funny, charming, smart, beautiful, and perfect.]