Tonight, Anthony Bourdain traded in bull testicles and bizarre exotic dishes for boiled vegetables and Cotes du Rhone wines, taking in the impossible beauty of Provence.

Tonight, Bill O'Reilly released the results of a poll conducted last night, asking if viewers thought the health care bill would bass. 71% predicted "No." Tonight's poll was whether the sun will rise tomorrow. Expect similar results.

After Michael Jackson died, the AP reports his Doctor Feelgood—Conrad Murray—whisked back to his mansion to retrieve a cream "so the world wouldn't find out about it." What was this mysterious salve? Would you believe we have theories?

"It is time to chill out, Republicans." -Representative Bob Filner, Democrat of California, being awesome.

Today in Weird Things the Health Care Bill Does: It requires all chain restaurants to post calorie and nutritional data for their horrible food! Yes, you will no longer be able to pretend that you are eating healthily.

In this clip, Eddie Izzard examines the subtle differences between American and British films. Apparently, Yanks love explosions and swearing and Brits like doors and ponds.

Perez Hilton would have something to do with Justin Bieber's improbable rise to stardom. Hilton all but claimed he fashioned Bieber out of tween clay in an interview to MTV.com: "I make things happen." Justin Bieber = A thing. [MTV]

Whether you're tuning in for a laugh at the skin-tight glittery outfits, Kate Gosselin's new hair, or you're pumped for another season of dancing—all are welcome! A breakdown of contestants and live-blogging fun inside.

Kate Boehret could run your conference better; Max Levchin could do your "health care reform" better; and Jamie Poniewozik can do your paranoia better. The Twitterati were one up, even when they were down.

Who's excited for Kate Goesslin's fame-whoring ways on DWTS tonight!? Not me. Unless Aaden Dragon and Alexis make an appearance. I'm looking forward to the return of Nurse Jackie, Ted being all Ted like on HIMYM and Gossip Girl.

[Mayor Bloomberg gives his best "shut the hell up" face as David Patterson prattles on about some crazy thing at the opening of Brooklyn Bridge Park in Brooklyn today. Image via Getty]

With the fun people out of the Senate race, New Yorkers have to settle for Joe DioGuardi, who is famous because he fathered that American Idol lady. He is Twittering! He has 74 followers. (Kara is not one of them.)

TONIGHT: Our favorite faux-lebrities begin competition on Dancing With the Stars, Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara premiere while Secret Life of the American Teenager and Be Good, Johnny Weir have their finales.

In the premiere episode of the Times' new you-are-there newsroom web show, TimesCast, lots of people gathered together in blue shirts and said things about things that no one understands.

It's safe to say that Betty White is probably the funniest woman in comedy right now—especially of the octogenarian set. But can Ellen DeGeneres make her laugh? Today on Ellen, White's stoicism gets put to the test.

Google is hiring bond traders, according to a job listing discovered by Business Insider, casting in a new light CEO Eric Schmidt's recent disclosure that the company thought about trying to predict the stock market.

More than half of self-identified Republicans don't blame banks for the financial crisis. Pollsters didn't ask who they do blame, but I'm guessing it's "blacks, poors, Nobama, Barney Fag and ACORN."

Today we discovered the identity of the Congressman who yelled "baby killer!" at another Congressman while they were at work. One commenter knew the old adage to be true: a picture really is worth more than words.

Microsoft is testing a Twitter clone called OfficeTalk, which apparently combines Twitter's corrosiveness to productivity with all of the stifled boredom your corporate intranet. Look, they copied the hashtags, follower counts and everything.

Day dreaming is common. Everyone wishes they could fly or Hulk-smash their desk through a window. Some like to pretend they are medieval fantasy warriors. Even fewer people actually act on these desires. These brave, rare few are called LARPers.