Nazism worked—really, really well, according to a new study.

Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell, the prison employee who stands accused of facilitating the jailbreak of convicted murderers Richard Matt and David Sweat, is already in big trouble, but if new reports are correct, things may get way worse. According to several sources, Mitchell told police that Matt and Sweat planned to murder her husband immediately after their escape.

Former Spokane NAACP president Rachel Dolezal sued Howard University in 2002 for allegedly discriminating against her because she’s white, according to court documents obtained by the Smoking Gun. Dolezal, who has claimed to be black for several years, said the school refused to hire her for teaching posts and denied her scholarships because of her race.

A New Jersey man is suing his former boss for allegedly yanking on one of his testicles during an off-site “team building” meeting, causing severe damage that led to three surgeries and an eventual amputation, the New York Post reports. The ball-busting boss was later fired, but the victim says coworkers made fun of him for being sans one nut.

Over the weekend, the Sunday Times published an article quoting British government sources claiming that China and Russia had hacked Edward Snowden’s NSA files, putting agents in danger. Where was the proof? Reporter Tom Harper appeared on CNN last night to explain: “Well, uh, I don’t know, to be honest with you.”

Apples, spry monkeys, fresh air, falling blossoms—we associate the treetops with only the best things in life, but what if our nation’s leafy canopies are also holding two murderous fugitives? A Gawker reader thinks that cops need to start looking up.

A New York State Supreme Court judge has ruled that Brooklyn’s Pierhouse development—an expensive luxury condo that blocks the public’s view of the Brooklyn Bridge—is not technically illegal, though he conceded that the building could be considered an aesthetic monstrosity.

Rachel Dolezal has resigned from her position as president of Spokane’s NAACP chapter. “Please know I will never stop fighting for human rights and will do everything in my power to help and assist, whether it means stepping up or stepping down, because this is not about me,” she wrote in a Facebook statement. “It’s about justice. This is not me quitting; this is a continuum.”

Pretty great final two minutes of Game of Thrones season 5, huh? How about that part where a character you were absolutely sure was crucial to the ultimate resolution of the show—the small matter of a battle between “fire” and “ice”—just got mercilessly snuffed out before your eyes and then the credits rolled?

Bad yogurt company Chobani, whose product is to “Greek yogurt” what fermented urine is to champagne, has stooped to an outrageous, sexy new low in trying to distract the public from the taste of its pasty goo.

Sudan President Omar al-Bashir reportedly escaped South Africa in his private jet early this morning, just hours after a judge from the country’s High Court ordered authorities to prevent his leaving. Bashir has been wanted by the International Criminal Court for six years on charges including genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity.

A government commission in the UK has found that that nation’s top businesses use “unacknowledged ‘poshness tests’” when hiring, rather than hiring candidates from all social classes equally. Savages.

Pope Francis accepted the resignations of two U.S. Catholic bishops today in the wake of a child sex abuse scandal in St. Paul, Minnesota. Archbishop John C. Nienstedt and Auxillary Bishop Lee A. Piché have quit their posts after Minnesota prosecutors charged the archdiocese with the “mishandling of repeated complaints of sexual misconduct against a priest,” per The New York Times.

Wow, that sure is a lot of goats. Like just an unbelievable number of goats right there.

Authorities have charged an Oregon man with using a motorized vehicle to harass or molest game after he allegedly accelerated through a group of bald eagles in Dutch Harbor, Alaska, killing two, the Associated Press reports.

On Sunday, Spokane NAACP President Rachel Dolezal announced she was postponing a Monday meeting expected to include her first public statement regarding accusations she lied about her race.

There are many correct ways to throw the toy flying disc commonly known as the Frisbee. Backhand, for instance, is a popular and acceptable method, as is the hammer throw. There is, in fact, only one objectively improper Frisbee-throwing technique. This one:

A 27-year-old Maryland man is accused of shooting and killing an ice cream truck driver as he sold his frozen treats to gathered children, Reuters reports.