[The actress, or whatever she's doing these days, in New York yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

They've already found their new partners of the same sex—who are also celebs. Another famous couple is on the rocks because the husband is love with the wife's assistant. If three's a crowd, then what is four?

We learned last night—via press release—that the recently deceased actor Corey Haim has somehow communicated from beyond the grave that he "misses" D-list actress Hazel D'Jan. (Who, btw, needs to fire her publicist.)

It's true. He's been given the highest honor. Also today: Some good news for a beloved TV star, a celebrated director is taking a fantastic voyage, and Leonardo DiCaprio is stepping out on Marty.

Luckily for him, this baby has a big sister who simply will not stand for him being given away.

A federal judge ruled yesterday that the N.S.A.'s covert wiretap program targeting who knows how many US citizens without court approval was (and is!) illegal. Of fucking course it is, come on. But...but...but what if Obama does it?

I don't like making "ball" puns, so let's just say these clips are about stuff going wrong while playing baseball.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

The FBI have said they will not search for Hoffa's body before Giants Stadium is demolished this spring, in case you were wondering. [AP]

Lourdes wishes her mom didn't date men young enough to be her brother. A woman named Skittles Valentine tells all about her Jesse James orgy. Khloe Kardashian goes Girls Gone Wild. Thursday's gossip roundup is overexposed.

The Defense Department is worried that gay soldiers may not want to participate in a survey that will ask for their thoughts on repealing DADT. Perhaps that's because the law, which bars gays from openly serving, is still in place?

Two Indiana cops have been suspended after they were accused of slapping and using a Taser on an "out of control" 10-year-old boy at Tender Teddies Day Care in Martinsville. The repeat offender "wouldn't quit" kicking and screaming. [6News, via]

Just in time for Tax Day, the Fed has released the numbers from the Bearn Stearns and AIG troubled asset purchases. Congratulations! You, American Taxpayer, are the proud owner of a shopping mall in Oklahoma City. [BusinessWeek]

First LL Cool J wanted out. Now country singer Toby Keith is upset about being on Palin's new show, Real American Stories. With one out of three "marquee" guests already gone, will the Oklahoma crooner jump ship, too?

Joe Biden's health reform-related hot mic gaffe—"This is a big fucking deal"—appears to have inspired a t-shirt for sale on BarackObama.com. Unless the undisclosed abbreviation stands for something else entirely, of course. Like Biden's Flying Dinosaur.

Ultimo has replaced scandal-plagued spokesmodel Peaches Geldof with fellow rock star daughter Georgia Jagger.

Sandra Bullock's cheating husband says a photo of him wearing a Nazi hat and doing a Nazi salute isn't anti-semitic because the hat was a "gag gift" from a Jew, and he once vacationed on a kibbutz.

Ever wondered what "Real America" means? Or how precisely Sarah Palin defines communism and fascism? Look no further. Using misspelled Tea Party placards, from this excellent Flickr gallery, we've compiled the first comprehensive dictionary for this new dialect.

Families that dance to Beyonce together stay together—until they tell an adorable three-year-old son "You're not a 'Single Lady,'" and he bursts into adorable tears. Come, witness the chilling sting of anti-three-year-old boy discrimination.

Cambridge, Mass. hedge fund manager Richard Grubman threw an alleged hissy fit at the Boston Ritz-Carlton yesterday, shouting "obscenities" and flinging his BMW's keys at a valet's face. Charged with felony assault and battery, his mug shot conveys deep distress.