Tonight, Jon Stewart opined on the Gulf Coast oil spill and delivered three consecutive punches: the first, to the media for their predictable coverage; the second, to hypocritical, pro-drilling politicians; and the third, to BP for skirting blame. Video inside.

The Beard Awards, a.k.a. the "food Oscars," were awarded tonight, and most went to big NYC food names like Tom Colicchio and Shake Shack's Danny Meyer. KFC, despite the revolutionary Double Down, was shut out. Click through for the list.

Where can a terrorist find a car for cash? Craigslist, of course! Nineteen-year-old Peggy Colas sold her Nissan Pathfinder to a "'Middle Eastern' or 'Hispanic' looking man" she met on Craigslist. Turns out, he wanted to blow up Times Square.

British soldier Craig Harrison killed two Taliban machine gunners in Afghanistan at a distance of 8,120 feet, setting a vaguely depressing record. The previous vaguely depressing record, set by a Canadian sniper, was 7,972 feet. [Sky News]

What's worse than bombing in front of the president? Bombing in front of the president with hacky material you've already used. Politico caught Leno recycling material from his monologues in his White House Correspondents' Dinner speech, and edited them together.

With new HIMYM, Showtime originals Nurse Jackie and The US of Tara, and Gossip Girl, it's going to be a long night for me and the TV. See you in the #tvparty!

Joy Behar smoothed things over with her Fox News nemesis; Ashton Kutcher fixed his drinking problem; and Facebook indulged in drinking and rehab at the same time. The Twitterati patched things up.

Gina Bianchini's abrupt March departure from Ning was a surprise; in two years she'd taken the social networking company to an "eye-popping" $750 million valuation from just $170 million. Did she do it honestly?

It's that time again! Tonight—from 8:00 to 9:30 PM ET on ABC—this season's six remaining Dancing with the Stars hopefuls will sashay across the ballroom for the judges' scores and your votes. More inside, plus your open thread.

[A woman flees the fumes from a flaming manhole at 40th Street and Seventh Ave today. This is the last thing Times Square needs right now. Image via AP]

Available on Ebay: "PICS of FL GOV CHARLIE CRIST snorting lines of COCAINE!" Somewhere "between 2 and 6 readily identifiable pictures" of ol' independent Charlie doing blow in the 80s. Starting bid $600,000. [And a nice Charlie Crist painting!]

For one of the sultriest actresses in Hollywood, Penelope Cruz doesn't much flair for interior design, as evidenced by her Hollywood crash pad which is currently on the market for $3.7 million.

Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

Naomi Campbell is on Oprah today explaining that she is a rage-aholic who punches cameras because she had a sad childhood. Aw. And because she was too tall to be a ballet dancer. Luckily Oprah's here to fulfill her fantasies.

There's been lots racism in the news lately — pickup trucks, law school students, and now (possibly!) an Arizona state senator. Yes one such politician follows a racist organization on Twitter. One commenter tried to figure this all out.

Conan thanks Twitter for "saving his ass," Betty White worries that she's suddenly over-exposed, B.J. Novak will host the Webby Awards, Stephanie Tanner's knocked up again, and Alec Baldwin says he'll close out this season of SNL.

The only way to "make it" in the media now is to pay a huge bribe to secure a coveted "intern" slot at a failing media outlet, where you can begin sleeping your way to the top. The going rates?

When the founders of AOL and eBay retired, they planned a life of philanthropy. They were so busy saving the world they apparently didn't notice their own workers were being brutalized.

["The City" socialite and an innocent bystander on Great Jones in New York; image via Bauer-Griffin]

TONIGHT: It's a full night of TV including the season premiere of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and new episodes of HIMYM, Chuck and Gossip Girl. Plus, it's the start of Celebrity Jeopardy! Championship Week!