There's actually going to be one, guys. And that's what the live-action Broadway show used. Roller skates. (Well, Heelys.) Also today: good news for a 90210 alum, more X-Men casting news, and Valerie Bertinelli will be employed for another year.

Wow, just a really awful metaphor choice here from insane crazy person Sharron Angle, Harry Reid's Senate opponent. She believes girls raped by their fathers shouldn't be able to have abortions; instead, they should turn "lemon situation[s] into lemonade."

All 10 Russian spies—even the sexy one—pleaded guilty today and will be deported.

This is joyous. Here's a video of a crazy old man interrupting a news reporter in Huntsville, Alabama in order to lecutre him for "struttin' dat ass" down the sidewalk, because it's... arrogant? Fabulous? Who knows. The schadenfreude-heavy video, inside.

Last night, Attack of the Show did a small featurette to cruelly whet our appetite for the premiere of Children's Hospital on Adult Swim. If you can name one great comedic actor who is not in it, you are wrong.

TONIGHT: It's the premiere of Big Brother to let you know that it truly is summer. Plus, it's Bethenny's wedding day on Bethenny Getting Married? and the amazingly talented author Marilynne Robinson (Housekeeping) stops by the Daily Show.

One of the Ten Most Pretentious Features of the NYT Styles Section is "Crib Sheet," which tells you "The Ten Things to Talk About This Weekend." What's this, Letterman? You're the boss of us now? You don't even know us.

Shawn Chapman Holley has announced she'll no longer be serving as Lindsay Lohan's defense attorney. (Apparently LiLo replaced her with this lady, "who was just admitted to the bar in November," per TMZ.) Also, LiLo may soon lose another lawsuit.

Everybody wants to know what's up with Steve Carell's decision to step down from playing the beloved Michael Scott on The Office. Here, Steve explains to Regis his reasons for leaving the show and the possibility of finding a replacement.

The political world is wrapping up this latest, fruitless "Will Michael Steele Quit?" cycle, with the RNC chair telling a crowd today that he "ain't going anywhere" after calling the Afghanistan war stupid. Ann Coulter agrees! Sorry, Sarah Palin.

[Dita von Teese models a Gaultier turban and mechano-skeletal corset contraption in Paris. Image via Getty.]

Today at Gawker.TV, a look inside Lindsay Lohan's future jail cell, Ke$ha likes her men fat and bearded, Fox and Friends discuss their favorite J.Lo movies, and in case you missed it: Steve Carell's must-see appearance on the Colbert Report.

Congratulations to GitEmSteveDaveSpoils for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

On Monday, the never-retiring Barbara Walters will make her first public appearance on The View since having heart surgery. Except it's not public, she'll be "Skyping" from home. Oh, when technology turns against us! Just take some time off, already!

Obviously tired of reporting things that are actually news, CBS has suggested its viewers scold the kids today for a dangerous new biting trend. As for any real video evidence, we'll just have to take CBS at their word.

San Francisco's Commission of Animal Control and Welfare will vote tonight on an ordinance that would ban the sale of all pets—cats, dogs, hamsters, birds, iguanas—in the city. This is a stupid idea.

The Way We Live Now: we're not quite sure. On the edge? Teetering? Pulling back? Rushing ahead? Set to fold? Broke and busted? On the mend? Opinions differ. Except, we know it's bad. Definitely bad.

While on The Tonight Show to promote his movie Cyrus, John C. Reilly presented methods for staying awake while telling a hilarious story about getting a phone message for his father.

It's been a long trip for Lindsay Lohan from semi-promising actress to expectant jailbird. But let's talk about what's really important: how she looks. Below, a timeline of Lindsay's descent from budding starlet to drugged-out mess.

January 2007: Lindsay goes to rehab for the first time and comes out looking like the pretty little princess we first met in The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday.

[Image via Getty]