Cops say a female Montana daycare operator was brutally assaulted last week while trying to protect three kids from their allegedly drunk dad, who had reportedly lost legal custody.

Gender equality: has it gone too far?

The very first Democratic debate of 2016 was mostly underwhelming with a few high and/or insane (which is to say, Jim Webb) moments. But there can only be one winner, and according to aspiring social media intern Donald Trump, that winner was Donald Trump.

The Washington Post has a stomach-churning report on an app upper-crust types in one of D.C.’s wealthiest neighborhoods use for racial profiling. GroupMe is a messaging app, and while it is ostensibly being used in Georgetown to protect businesses from shoplifting, its regular use is, unsurprisingly, devoted to dehumanizing black people.

During the first Democratic debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, the candidates were asked by moderator Anderson Cooper to reveal which enemy they were most proud of having made. They all gave rather predictable responses—the coal industry, the NRA, Republicans—until the question moved to Jim Webb, who sorta creepily talked about killing a guy, in the process glossing over what was actually a rather remarkable event in war.

In Palm Springs, Florida, on Tuesday, a small plane crashed into the Mar-Mak Colony Club, a mobile home park, setting two homes on fire and injuring an “unknown number of victims,” authorities said.

During tonight’s debate between Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, and some custodial employees of the Wynn Las Vegas, StopHillaryPAC.org aired a generic Benghazi conspiracy theory clip blaming Clinton for the death of Ambassador Christopher Stevens. It contains three typos, including the name of the country in which he died.

According to TMZ, Lamar Odom was found unconscious this week at Dennis Hof’s Love Ranch South, a brothel in Pahrump, Nevada. Odom was taken to a nearby hospital and intubated.

A researcher from the American Museum of Natural History tracked down an extremely rare bird in Guadalcanal and, after consideration, collected a specimen. With extreme prejudice. What I’m saying here is he killed it.

The New York Post reports that the NYCLU has requested to file an amicus brief in support of a lawsuit filed by the website ProPublica against the NYPD three years ago seeking information about the police department’s unmarked vehicles carrying mobile body scanner technology, called Z Backscatter Vans.

Here is a video of a kid who just so damn badly wants to shout “holy shit” but just can’t get any closer than “holy crud,” which, if we’re being honest, is a poor substitute.

A majority of UC-Berkeley’s astronomy faculty have signed a letter calling for the dismissal of Geoffrey Marcy, an astronomer at the university since 1999, who was found to have sexually harassed his students.

Tonight at 8:30 p.m., all of our grandparents are going to fight in the Wynn hotel and casino in Las Vegas for the chance to be our Democratic nominee for President of the United States. And we’ll be liveblogging every crotchety, godforsaken second of it.

McDonald’s, a protracted practical joke whose punchline is cardiovascular disease, is apparently still sore enough over Super Size Me that they’ve produced a documentary of their own to refute its depiction of their so-called “food.” Only this one—entitled 540 Meals—is being shown as educational material to school children around America. Dammit.

Badger Guns, known as “the number one crime gun dealer in America” for a history of selling guns that later turn up in crime scenes, has been ordered to pay $6 million to Milwaukee police officers Bryan Norberg and Graham Kunisch for the negligent sale of a handgun that was used in a shooting that seriously injured the two officers, reports the Associated Press and FOX 6 News in Milwaukee.

An upstate New York couple have been charged with beating their 19-year-old son to death inside the Word of Life Church in New Hartford, New York, the Associated Press reports. Four other members of the church have been charged with assault.

Earlier today, Uber released a new “Uber Partner app, designed to give drivers more information so Uber works better for them.” It also inadvertently gave anyone access to an untold number of sensitive scanned documents for almost 1,000 of these same drivers.

Hillary’s on top (currently leading the polls at 43 percent), the kids love Bernie (he’s reached a million online donors faster than any candidate ever before), and Joe Biden is playing coy. But with the first 2016 Democratic debates just hours away, one question remains: Who the hell are those other guys?

Jim Webb (who?) tweeted an article this afternoon entitled “Debate Preview: Why My Money’s on Jim Webb.” Unfortunately for Jim Webb, that article was intended as comedy.