Apparently not content with his original musings on the popular uprising in Egypt (" The entire Mediterranean is on fire.") Fox News host Glenn Beck has expanded the scope of his theories to include the sinister engineers at Google, about whom he says:

Former president Bill Clinton only sent two emails during his presidency, he told a crowd in New York. Two! In commemoration of his true confession, we've collected the only eight photos we could find of Bill Clinton Using, Looking at, and/or Pointing at Computers. They are... marvelous!

The Russian space programs ground specialists may soon have uniforms designed by Anna Chapman, the sexiest—and therefore the best—of the 10 Russian spies arrested and deported last year. Or at least, funded by her—details, like Chapman herself, are sketchy—according to astronaut Sergei Krikalev:

Do you have splitting headaches? Yes, sure, they may be migraines, or, you might have a four-inch knife, buried in your brain, for four years. Li Fu, a Chinese gentleman who had been complaining of headaches, recently discovered that the source of his pain was, yes, a four-inch knife, "stuck in his brain for more than four years." Apparently, doctors who treated him in the wake of a stabbing during a robbery in 2006 "failed to notice the knife buried deep in" Mr. Li's skull; later, apparently more competent doctors decided to perform an X-ray, and, lo: A knife, "buried in his face," in the Daily Mail's immortal phrase. Li underwent surgery and had the gross little thing removed. He is now in stable condition. [Daily Mail]

The World Health Organization just released a report about global alcohol consumption. Conclusion: Our planet is wasted!

This episode of Toddlers & Tiaras featured an unusually repulsive group of Moms and Dads. Between the mother cleaning septic tanks to pay for thousand dollar dresses or the disciple of Christ who loves "Jesus and glitz," tonight was one, hot mess.

Sesame Street's Elmo, Telly, and Cookie Monster put the All Stars's cookie-making skills to the test last night. Watch resident expert Cookie Monster and friends give the most informed and adorable critiques of any guest judges this season.

Outgoing Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has been the voice of the Obama administration since 2008. In that time, he's admitted many skills that he simply does not possess, like telling "when spring ends or begins." [Gawker.TV]

Actor Len Lesser, Uncle Leo on 'Seinfeld', died today of complications from pneumonia at age 88. In addition to his role as Jerry's uncle, Lesser appeared in dozens of films and movies, including 'Everybody Loves Raymond,' and 'Falcon Crest.' RIP.

On tonight's Daily Show—after bemoaning IBM-created Watson's Jeopardy! domination—Jon Stewart took on the task of balancing President Obama's $3.7 trillion budget. Before his attempt, though, Stewart was sure to point out hypocrisy on both sides of government. [Gawker.TV]

On tonight's Daily Show—after bemoaning IBM-created Watson's Jeopardy! domination—Jon Stewart took on the task of balancing President Obama's $3.7 trillion budget. Before his attempt, though, Stewart was sure to point out hypocrisy on both sides of the aisle.

Bianca's addiction started in an unusual, but not completely unheard of way. Like many children with an iron deficiency, Bianca ate dirt when she was younger. Unfortunately, the dirt transformed into whole pieces of pottery and cigarette ashes.

ABC News has posted some harrowing audio of reporter Miguel Marquez being beaten tonight in Bahrain's capital, Manama. Marquez tried to call out that he was a journalist, but he says he was "beaten rather badly by a gang of thugs" regardless. He wasn't badly injured.

On tonight's Modern Family, Claire and Mitchell's mother (Shelley Long) comes to visit, and then pulls a Jay and Gloria by hooking up with Claire's high school boyfriend (Matt Dillon).

Computers are officially better than humans at Jeopardy. IBM's supercomputer Watson beat out Jeopardy champs Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter for a second night in a row—without even being connected to the Internet! A few embarrassing missteps (answering "Dorothy Parker" instead of "The Elements of Style" on a Daily Double) couldn't keep Watson from annihilating his human competition. (See above for Watson's winning Final Jeopardy answer.)

Get ready to turn on your TV and grab a hold of your laptop! No, not that laptop—I mean your computer. It's time for another of our commenter-created Top Chef live blogs—also known as The Nude Fondue Party. Join us!

Not only does comedienne, Sara Schaefer, give a charming little anecdote about winning awards in middle school, but she has the video footage to prove it. If you've ever been a middle schooler (everyone), this is a must-watch.

CBS News says it's obtained a photo that shows former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak waving goodbye to Cairo from a helicopter on Feb. 11th after giving up control of the country. Cropped out of the photo is the crowd of protestors giving him the finger and/or mooning him. Bye, Mubarak!

Today has been an especially Justin Bieber-filled day, and here is one more reason why. Even James Earl Jones has Bieber Fever! His velvety voice does the "Baby" lyrics proud. Beware, the apocalypse is nigh.

Tonight brought us part three of the ultimate Jeopardy! challenge, with an IBM-created computer, Watson, battling all-time show favorites Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter. In the end, Our New Robot Overlord was victorious, taking home $1 million for "his" charities.