Dave took time to address the announcement that Lindsay would read the show's Top 10 List this week, saying "It turns out we were duped, and I have no one to blame but myself and boy my face is red."
The challenge for Survivor: Redemption Island is going to be keeping us interested in anyone not named Boston Rob or Russell Hantz. Our fear going into the premiere was that the presence of these veterans would overshadow the new Survivors. However, for one episode at least, we got just enough Boston Rob and Russell while also introducing some intriguing new cast members. We're not entirely convinced that there are any personalities that can match up to the two masterminds, but judging from an explosive, unbelievable, train wreck of a first Tribal Council, we're in for a season of crackpots and fireworks.
Last night we bore witness to the yearly tradition of miserable, fearsome Group Night, a tableau of horror and agony reminiscent of Picasso's Guernica. No one is ever prepared, everyone is unhappy, the judges put large Coke cups (or in last night's case, Vitamin Water cups) under their faces to collect all the blood, and we at home spasm into strange positions on the couch, issuing strange barks and guttural hoots, pupils the dinner plate size of the computer cleaner girl from Intervention. It's quite a night! It's actually kind of fun.
Breaking newsworthy news story: a college, in America, will not charge as much this year as it did last year. That's right: Sewanee, the University of the South, in Tennessee, will cost 10% less this year than the $46,000 it cost last year. This moderate price cut at an otherwise unremarkable regional college earned stories in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and the Washington Post.
This starlet used to be buddy buddy with this big name politico, but now he won't take her calls. This actress almost had an arranged marriage and this marriage might split up because the husband is gay. Now that's a marriage with an arrangement.
A new Onion report discusses the troubling new activity among high schoolers: teen toping. Toping, or Isotoping,is the practice of illegally enriching uranium. Between raging toping parties and "Nuke rap," it's clear that teens across America are toping up.
Nir Rosen was known as an author and pundit with extensive experience in the Middle East—until this week, when he became known as the guy who was forced to resign from his position at NYU after thoughtlessly mocking Lara Logan on Twitter. To Rosen's credit, he has been forthright and effusive in his apologies, and has repeatedly admitted that he did something stupid. So what wisdom can he share with the rest of us, as a man who has suffered the wrath of a global internet backlash? NYU Local scores an interview with Rosen, in which he says:
On the Australian Today Show, innocent conversation about home invasions took a raunchy turn as the anchors described the various "long, stabby things" each keeps in their bedrooms. If only the American Today Show was this sexy!
We were told ahead of time that "colorful events will take place" for Dear Leader Kim Jong-il's birthday on Wednesday, but we could have never guessed just how awe inspiring the celebration of his 69th year of life would be. According to the Korean Central News Agency, a "mysterious natural wonder" took place above Kim's magical mountain birthplace, Mount Paektu:
Alleged crack dealer Jaquan "Jay Cash" Layne — while sitting in prison on armed-robbery charges — back in 2009 made phone calls from a Riker's Island pay phone to his lackluster sales crew in Harlem, prosecutors said yesterday according to the Post. So, how does one go about motivating a group of less-than-motivated crack dealers? Here's a several step guide, according to recorded conversations from Layne:
CIA director Leon Panetta said that if the agency does catch Osama bin Laden or Ayman al-Zawahiri (ha, good one) — he'd send their asses straight to Guantanamo Bay: "We would probably move them quickly into military jurisdiction [...] then eventually move them probably to Guantanamo." Good luck with all that.
