A study has shown that religious people are up to 50% more likely to become obese later in life. Thus, Conan has created a solution that pleases everyone: Fat Jesus—who used to turn the other cheek, but now "turns the other chin."
Bill Keller, the editor of America's greatest newspaper, continues to systematically dismantle his professional reputation by writing an unnecessary, vainglorious, and ill-advised column in the New York Times Magazine, in which he demonstrates, week by depressing week, that he's not as great as you would have imagined. This week, he comes right out and calls for more government secrecy and less journalism. "For those charged with keeping secrets, WikiLeaks is a wake-up call," he writes. "So what should the government do to make the leaker's task - and my job as a nosy journalist - harder?
On Ellen, Katie Holmes brings up the time her daughter accidentally began eating penis-shaped gummies to the paparazzi's delight. The weirdest part is seeing both Holmes and Ellen spell penis without ever actually saying it.
Even when Democrats' fortunes tumble spectacularly in the short-term, the party can always remind itself that national demographic trends favor them in the end. Many, many old white people will die soon enough. This generation's youth voters are lopsidedly liberal. Meanwhile, Hispanics — who've voted strongly for Democrats in the last two elections after mainstream Republican rhetoric took a sharply nativist turn in 2007 — will occupy a larger and ever growing percentage of the American population. Throw in reliable support from 80-90% of African Americans, and the Democratic party could be dominant in the not-too-distant future.
Well-behaved is one thing, another is to be as considerate as this cute pooch right here. Watch him take a moment to pray for other doggies that aren't as privileged to have a warm meal at night.
The lovable Jeffrey Tambor appeared on the Late Late Show last night and immediately noticed that he was wearing the same jacket as the clip from his show he'd brought along. The pair then discussed clothing sizes, shoe sizes, and—why not?—the size of their members.
Yesterday I remarked how sad I was Jersey Shore was over for the season and someone replied, "No, there's still the reunion." Screw that. The only thing worse than your favorite reality show being off the air is the inane reunion special.
During last night's episode of Archer, we got to learn a lot more about the show's "lesser" characters, Cheryl and Pam. When Pam gets abducted by people who think that she's actually Cheryl, we learn that Cheryl's had a secret all along.
In your finally Friday media column: college journo gone wild, a new deputy editor at Page Six, the Arianna-NYT feud evolves, Jeff Zucker's new hustle, and media fools.
A heartbroken Snooki was asked about her crush on and hookups with fellow cast-mate Vinny, who she felt "turned into like a jerk-off" during the season. One thing is clear, though: she does not like him for his "seabiscut" (the apparent name of his penis.)
On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen honored Difference Maker Roy Den Hollander for his heroism in the fight against male oppression. And ladies? Roy's single (and wants you back in the kitchen).
During a recent questioning during jury selection, Johnny Knoxville had to responded honestly and openly about his previous meetings with the police. After giving us a few stories, we discover that no, he wasn't the kind of juror the courts were looking for.
Sublime television clown Donald Trump's pretend presidential candidacy is chugging along splendidly as it rains gold, laughs, and a deeper appreciation for the surreal across this great nation. It's fun to write about, it's chilling to read about, and it's lucrative for Donald Trump. His Celebrity Apprentice ratings are up, he's getting more headlines than any other "real" GOP presidential contenders, and now he's landed another television gig. This why he's running a pretend presidential campaign, of course, and the con should keep bearing fruit until he suddenly "drops out" of the race to spend more time with his latest family, during sweeps week.
Playing with water is child's play. This guy successfully makes his SuperSoaker water gun toy into a FlameThrower, something you'd see in some action video game. Watch the results as he tests it out.
Realizing that he was about to appear on a political show, Norm MacDonald attempted to brush up on his current events. But seeing as he's Canadian, Norm's not exactly on-point about anything, but he remained hilarious throughout the interview—and that's what matters!
