Like Gwyneth Paltrow before him, rapper and mogul Jay-Z thinks that he knows exactly how you should live your life. He quietly launched his new website Life and Times today, and it proposes how you should dress, what music you should listen to, and which crazy cloud pictures you should look at.

55-year-old Cindy Jackson has spent over $100,000 on 52 different cosmetic procedures over the course of her life. That makes her the Guinness World Record holder for the most surgeries as of this month. [Jezebel]

Will baseball tennis be all the rage this summer? Who knows! But it sure beats baseball water polo.

The federal government is intervening in the great labor mural crisis of Maine, where snippy Tea Party Gov. Paul LePage ordered a 36-foot mural of the state's labor history removed the state's Department of Labor because a couple of businessmen didn't like it.

The ongoing Great American Economic Recovery is... well, let's say it's a "mixed bag," to keep everyone's spirits up. On the downside, prices are rising faster than wages, meaning that your meager stores of money are becoming more worthless by the day. And the cost of driving is rising rapidly, taking a bite out of your paltry paycheck before you even get to work.

The BBC show Bizarre ER featured a college student named Holly whose jaw got dislocated after a very vigorous yawn. While being stuck with your mouth agape is pretty horrifying, you'll never believe how doctors got it closed.

What would you do in an empty metro car? You could shrug and enjoy the extra space or completely lose it and run around filming yourself yelling "Nobody is on the metro." We can see you and yes, you're trying too hard.

Vice Media, the parent company of Vice magazine, VBS.tv, and other editorial ventures whose quality content is still tinged by a permanent veil of—well, you know what we mean—is now insanely rich. Are you surprised?

Angry dad falls victim to kitchen sink prank three years in a row, each time ruthlessly cursing his son out. You would think after his dads tongue lashing he'd be to sacred to try it again, but he gets such a kick out of it he keep doing it again and again. Extremely NSFW language.

Ke$ha invites Britney to get naked with her. Rosie O'Donnell is on Team Chris Brown. Christina Aguilera giggles at her "hiccups." Lindsay Lohan causes another fender-bender. Tuesday gossip is hit or miss.

This actress may be A-List, but it doesn't stop her from having chronic stinky flatulence. This famous couple is breaking up. This famous couple with a few cases of botched plastic surgery to their name has pictures of their latest three-way floating around. Is there an operation to get rid of a smell?

It's amazing be reminded of what was acceptable before being PC was so important.

Eduardo Tlatempa, a 48 year-old baggage handler who worked for United Airlines at Dulles airport, was unloading a plane last Friday when, the Washington Post reports, "he missed his step onto a scissor lift and fell 10 to 20 feet to the concrete." This was...hilarious?

It was only two weeks ago that Knut the world famous polar bear drowned at the Berlin Zoo. And early today, officials told the AP that a six-year-old Indian elephant named Shaina Pali died there. A veterinarian suspects an infection is the cause of death, and a necropsy is being performed.

Libyan rebels today are expected to load up a tanker with crude for the first time near Tobruk, with the first shipment expected to be worth $100 million. That should buy a decent amount of weapons.

Last week, the owner of the fiery death trap Deepwater Horizon oil rig, Transocean Ltd., announced in a SEC filing that it was handing out huge bonuses to its top executives for the "best year in safety performance in our company's history." Transocean CEO and big bonus recipient Steve Newman also made a point that of the 11 crew members who died on the oil rig last year, 9 of them were Transocean employees. Who cares about those other guys, right? Unsurprisingly, that filing pissed off a lot of people. So now they're really sorry for saying that... really!

Craving a turkey burger? You might want to think twice before eating a Jennie-O Turkey Store® All Natural Turkey Burger — 55,000 pounds of it have been recalled in 10 states after a dozen people who ate them were sickened with salmonella. You might be thinking, "another salmonella recall, so what," right? Well, the CDC and USDA think these burgers might have a super-strength salmonella strain! According to Food Poison Journal:

Now that we know who the 2011 NCAA champions are, we can really start to focus on the brackets for Katie Couric's CBS Evening News replacement. And if any of you had 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley as your top pick, TMZ says you're right! Possibly.

North Andover High School saw their prom night cut short after four students became "violently ill" from eating some tainted pot brownies. Or maybe they just couldn't handle them? It's unclear. Fret not! A probe is underway. Once again, friends, a few bad apples have spoiled this absolutely horrendous-looking evening of rented tuxes and rubber chicken for the bunch. Unfortunately, the video from the event is pretty tame. If not a full-on Carrie moment, I was at the very least hoping to see one girl screaming that her corsage was trying to eat her. [WCVB]

[Biggest Star in the Universe] + [Cornrowed Product of His Seed*] + [Widely Loathed Director Addicted to Twist Endings] = Apocalypse Soon.