Congrats to the UConn Huskies, who trampled the Butler Bulldogs beneath their powerful paws to take their third NCAA Championship title. The final score was 53-41. Exchange monies accordingly. [SI.com]

The Smoking Gun has uncovered an old mugshot of Susan Burns, the woman who attacked Gauguin's "Two Tahitian Women" over the weekend. They've also got the criminal complaint, and as it turns out, she's a CIA agent! (According to her.)

After losing more than 300 advertisers in the last year, Glenn Beck may lose his Fox News show when his contract expires in December. And on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert did his best to prepare us for the upcoming "Glennpocalypse."

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a one-two punch against President Obama. First, Stewart criticized the President for his lackluster first campaign video. Then he marveled at Obama's lack of transparency, despite repeated promises of increased openness.

This rabbit is very brave he is trying to get freaky with a dog and even though it goes against nature he is not giving up.

You know The Guy Who Tries Too Hard? The guy who talks too loud about how hot his girlfriend is and how good at fighting he is? That Guy is running for president. His name is Tim Pawlenty.

Kirstie Alley started off this season of Dancing with the Stars in surprisingly strong fashion. On tonight's live performance show, however, the 60-year-old took an embarrassing tumble after partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy's leg gave out from under her. Oy gevalt.

That was fast: Six months after he started seeing Alexandra Lenas, Sean Parker is engaged to the singer/songwriter. Parker has made a number of sudden life changes since Justin Timberlake played him in The Social Network, actually.

As expected, former carnival singer Michel Martelly defeated former first lady Mirlande Manigat in Haiti's presidential elections, and will likely become president despite a challenge by Manigat. Martelly, who's never held office, took 67 percent of the vote [Miami Herald]

Quiz time! Is the gentleman pictured on the left actor Christopher Walken sporting a new mustache? Or is it one Tony A. Kadyhrob, accused of harrassing and attempting to abduct college students at a variety of New Jersey colleges?

Someone sent America's most Muslim-hating congressman, Rep. Peter King (R - N.Y.), a package containing a bloody pig's foot—accompanied by an anti-Semitic note exhorting King to "Kiss my black Muslim ass." Time to find the congressional gift declaration form!

We know that given just about any problem, the wise commenters on this here website can probably solve it. Today, in response to the Republican idea to privatize Medicare, a few people went and solved the health care problem altogether. One solution? Magical thinking!

The hacker collective Anonymous threatened to attack Sony web servers today, and sure enough Sony.com and Playstation.com are now down. But Sony is blaming the outage on "sporadic maintenance." Oh, is that what they're calling it these days?

So after a disastrous opening night in Detroit and an only-slightly-better followup show in Chicago, we're left wondering who are the people making up the audiences of Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour? [Jezebel]

This cute little family is having a photo session when Rover decides to get inappropriate with a pillow in the background.

When it comes to fertility, the only part of a man's nether region that matters is the part nobody ever bothered to measure: the taint. Scientists at the University of Rochester Medical Center have found that the "anogenital distance"—the distance between a man's scrotum and anus—correlates with male fertility. The greater the grundle, the higher the sperm count. If a man's balls and asshole are less than two inches apart, he is 7x more likely to be "sub-fertile" than his large-grundled peers.

Guess some people don't mind being told what to watch as much as I do. Cable's new crop of prestige dramas—AMC's The Killing, Reelz' The Kennedys, and Showtime's The Borgias—all performed rather well last night.

Yes, babies of all species are cute but it's important to remember that a shark is still a shark. This guy finds out the hard way.

Meteorite robbers! Food dyes! Cow people milk! Formaldehyde life! Monarch butterflies! Lion variations! Breast milk oncology! And bitter autism failure! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—creamily!

Former Engadget editor Joshua Topolsky and a bunch of his old staff have defected from Engadget owner AOL to a blogging company run by their former boss. But not before making clear how much AOL sucked.