In a landmark piece of legislation that once again demonstrates their profound capacity for out-of-the-rational-box thinking, the Arizona House of Representatives has voted to allow guns on campuses.

Remember the government's color-coded terror alert system? Sure you do. It was fun, festive, and went with everything. Well, it's history. Back in January, the Department of Homeland Security announced plans to phase out the system. So what will replace it? As of April 27, terror alerts will come in just two forms —"elevated" and "imminent"— and will be broadcast over the two most popular social networks.

It seems as though Marine Corps Gen. James Amos (pictured, third from left), a onetime outspoken opponent of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal, has had a change of heart. Where only recently he was testifying that letting gay soldiers serve openly would have a "strong potential for disruption at the small unit level," today he told the House Armed Services Committee that "the clear majority of [feedback] is very positive." Which means gay soldiers could serve openly as soon as this June. Ha! Suck on it, House Armed Services Committee.

Remember Ashley Kirilow, the 23-year-old woman from Ontario who shaved her head, waxed her eyebrows, plucked her eyelashes and bilked $20,000 out of kind strangers who thought they were helping her treat a cancer she did not have? Well, her sentence has come, and it's a light one.

Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus (R) has announced sharply amended totals for her county in the Supreme Court race from Tuesday night — saying that she had inadvertently failed to properly import and save data into a Microsoft Access database, omitting the numbers from the city of Brookfield and its over 14,000 votes. And as such, according to Nickolaus's new totals, Justice David Prosser has gained a net 7,582 votes — overcoming the razor-thin lead of liberal-backed challenger JoAnne Kloppenburg, who had already declared victory on Wednesday.

Reuters has a nice long dive of an article looking at how, exactly, MySpace ended up in the toilet after News Corp. bought it for $580 million in 2005. The best part, though, is short and sweet:

Charlie Sheen arrived in New York City today on his "Torpedo of Truth" tour. So where's he going to stay considering no hotel in town would have him a few days ago? Donald J. Trump to the rescue!

Google's coddled engineers better start hustling and finding new customers—starting with friends and family—new CEO Larry Page is telling the troops. First prize is an extra 25 percent bonus.

Conclusion? He'd buy 'em.

As if spending 72 hours in an egg wasn't bad enough: Lady Gaga is going to be a newspaper editor for an entire day. She'll be stopping by the office of the free tabloid Metro on May 17th to guest-edit the paper. Look for an infographic on prosthetic horn maintenance.

Today we heard the genuinely uplifting story of a handless boy who won a handwriting contest. Naturally this inspired our kind, loving commentariat to heap praise on the plucky young lad. Praise like this, from the following commenter.

Just when you think there isn't enough readily available high culture in this country — the opera is too expensive, plus Lepage's staging of Das Rheingold actually makes us miss fusty old Otto Schenk — comes news that we are saved. Specifically, we're getting some Jersey Shore spin-offs.

After a long time away, the one-time celestial teen queen of broadcast television is returning to the small screen. Also today: We might, coincidentally, have a new Juliet; a cult favorite cartoon gets a second season; and, no folks, 30 Rock is not dying. Probably.

Forty-two United States Senators have signed a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder demanding more prosecutions over adult pornography via the "vigorous" enforcement of federal obscenity laws. The Obama administration has not filed any new adult obscenity cases, because it has plenty of other actual work to do than to enforce dated, pandering laws about videos of adults having dirty sex.

Today CNN broadcast the first on-camera interview with Eman al-Obeidy, the Libyan lawyer who stormed a Tripoli hotel and struggled to tell journalists of how she was raped by pro-Gaddafi forces two weeks ago. She tells CNN that she was "brutally tortured to the point of them entering weapons inside of me" and alcohol was poured in her eyes. Apparently she's relatively safe now, though she's been harassed by Gaddafi's thugs since.

Let us take a break, now, from our daily diet of sarcasm and filth for a heartwarming tale: Nicholas Maxim, a boy born with arms that end at the elbow, won educational publisher Zaner-Bloser's annual National Handwriting Contest this year. A fifth grader at Readfield Elementary School in Readfield, Maine, he beat out 200,000 other grade schoolers for the quality of penmanship he produces by pinching a writing utensil between his arms.

Two months after AOL acquired her website the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington has begun refashioning the internet conglomerate into a gigantic digital mirror whose reporters will document every last twitch of her ego. Or so says Arianna Huffington.

It's no secret that any morality we pretend to have crumbles the instant cash is introduced into the equation. Some devious British scientists decided to prove this by offering test subjects cash to shock people; pretty much everyone took the cash.

Here's a cheap mid-afternoon giggle for federal workers: A hot-off-the-presses White House proclamation declaring next week — when the government may be shut down — National Volunteer Week. It's that patented Hawaii dry humor, folks; don't try it at home.

When it came to creating a new web series, filmmaker Brett Weiner struck idea gold by calling his mom and asking what she would do. The results are pretty darn funny. Watch the rest here!