Mercede Johnston claims that Bristol Palin both did and did not want to be pregnant with her brother's child. Doug Hutchison claims that the emails sent by his 16-year-old wife were actually sent by "hackers." Saturday gossip is now has a better credit rating than the U.S. government.

On Thursday, Rolaine Foigelman of Tonawanda, N.Y. pleaded guilty to endangering the welfare of an incompetent person based on an incident in which she tried to stop bystanders from helping to save her son's life. Hey, at least nobody will accuse her of being a helicopter mom now.

Thirty-eight soldiers—including 25 Navy SEALs—were killed when a Chinook helicopter crashed during an apparent raid on Taliban forces in eastern Afghanistan. It's the single worst day for U.S. casualties since the start of the war. [AJE]

When you woke up this morning, did everything seem a little less... reliable? It did, didn't it? That's because credit ratings agency Standard & Poor's no longer regards the U.S. as a risk-free borrower, despite a $2 trillion error in its initial accounting.

Today we examined the disappearing of cable porn. The end of an era! Of trying to figure out what body parts we were looking at as the screen fuzzed and spluttered. Memories!

In a motion to dismiss a court case this week, we learned that a woman is suing Planet Sushi on New York's Upper West Side. Why? Because she thinks there was semen in the spicy sauce that came alongside a delivery order of tuna rolls. Per the filing:

It's a pretty quiet weekend at the multiplex, with only a few films opening an—Oh god! Apes! Everywhere, apes! Talking, tool-using apes! Run! To your local movie theater!

How about that economy, amirite? Yesterday it's crashing to hell, and then today there's a decent jobs report and rather than crashing some more, the markets simply "gyrated," which is considered preferable.

Beach days are the best! It's nothing but taking in the sun, splashing around in the water, and digging six-foot pits in the sand. Um, huh? While I'm pretty sure most people don't spend their time at the beach digging massive trenches in the sand—what are you, digging to China?—to each his own. But if you happen to be the sort of person who enjoys this activity, please know that these holes are extremely dangerous and may collapse in on you, as 17-year-old Orange County resident Matt Mina will tell you.

It was announced yesterday that director Brett Ratner, figuring he wasn't going to get much closer to an Oscar, will produce next year's Academy Awards ceremony. Strange choice, Academy! But it's been made, so let's make the best of it and give Ratner some suggestions.

Bookmark this post! Because the above web ad shows the first and probably last time that presidential candidate Rick Santorum will take a stab at the Devil's favorite instrument of terror, "humor."

You may be resting in your dorm room, listening to your Beatles and smoking your "bong" pipe and composing your protest march folk song without a care in the world, secure in the knowledge that college degrees are kind of worth the money, more or less. But are they? Well, maybe not for you, hippie.

The Nicki Minajes and the Khloe Kardashians the world over understand that the occasional slip of the nipple on live television is an occupational hazard. It happens! In fact, it seems to happen so often these days that no one cares that much when it does. But that doesn't mean ABC is cool with what happened on Good Morning America earlier today. The network issued a statement apologizing to Minaj and viewers for the offending nipple.

Jeremy Baumhower produces radio tours, bringing musicians like Nick Cannon to major radio stations across America. Since Hollywood child bride Courtney Stodden is, ostensibly, a country singer, he contacted her using the email address listed on her website. The resulting exchange is comedic gold. Updated.

Internet penis monster Anthony Weiner and wife Huma Abedin have reportedly sold the Queens apartment they took off the market during his penis scandal. They're looking to settle outside of Weiner's old congressional district, to escape the shame.

Rupert Murdoch came outside his NYC apartment building, looked up, saw a peacock, and was like,

Old lady Aniston has somehow managed to sink her gnarled old hooks into actor/writer Justin Theroux, and though she just recently bought a bachelorette pad for herself, rumor has it she's shopping for a Manhattan townhouse she can share with her man.

In your ferocious Friday media column: The Onion won't be free online forever, the Brits call for Piers Morgan, celebrity magazine circulation plummets, WaPo Co. revenue drops, and the New York Observer's back to broadsheet, baby.

TPM watched Mike Huckabee's new children's educational video about 9/11 so you don't have to. What's inside? A lot of talk about how "most Muslims" aren't terrorists, a reference or two to The Kite Runner, more than a couple scenes extolling America's commitment to Israel — and no mention whatsoever of President Obama authorizing the mission that took out bin Laden.

Because so many people are snapping their own photos of the Pittsburgh production and putting them on the internet, Warner Bros. has gone ahead and released an official photo of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. And it's bad?