Koch-head Wisconsin governor Scott Walker's primary achievement during his first year in office: Inspiring a hundreds of thousands of citizens to protest him. It makes him look so bad! Now he wants to charge all those picketing Poors a fee every time they engage in some First Amendment-protected activity that involves showing how much they hate him.
Teenage Floridian Vanessa Gibbs missed her plane ride home from Norfolk, Va. the other day because her purse featured a gun-shaped applique that TSA agents deemed illegal as a "replica" gun. Commence adding bold western wear to your list of "TSA-banned fashions," underneath snake pants and hummingbird pants.
Hyperactive pepperoni stick Herman Cain just emerged from his big-ass tour bus, theme song playing and teensy wife by his side, to take to a rental podium and announce that he's suspending his presidential campaign. You all distracted him with your accusations about affairs and leg-touching moments too much!
Steve Jobs "didn't like what [he] learned" about Abdulfattah John Jandali, his Syrian-American biological dad, and therefore never reestablished a relationship with Jandali before his death in October. But that absence of connection hasn't stopped Jandali from defending his son's products—and, in a sense, his legacy—from the oppressive Syrian government, which has banned iPhones to keep people from filming killings and other atrocities being committed by local authorities.
Today we learned that no affair, no matter how sordid the details or how scandalous the pair involved, is impervious to Facebook. We also learned that you better not cross Devorah Rose because she will sell you right on down that murky media river. And if you do plan on crossing the shriek monster that is she, make sure to burn down the internet immediately after to get rid of the evidence. One commenter sent us a screen shot of their Facebook dealings. The transcribed version is below.
The Herman Cain campaign spent all night designing its pretty new "Women for Cain" page, complete with a banner logo featuring four cheery ladies giving the thumbs-up, and how does the liberal media show its gratitude? By making fun of the banner logo all day, since those four cheery ladies were not actually "Women for Cain" so much as they were stock photo models. And now the Cain campaign has pulled the stock photo from the logo, which now simply reads "Women [lots of blank space] Cain." EVERYONE HAPPY NOW?
What is this shit, Perry? Here we've got the third Rick Perry ad of this week, and what does it tell us: nothing. No, strike that: It tells us something. It tells us that the Rick Perry campaign is just going to spend all of that money it raised this summer on worthless bland ads until there's nothing left, and he can finally peace the hell out and return to his beloved Niggerhead.
"I think he feels like people don't take him seriously," a friend tells Page Six Magazine about Facebook billionaire Sean Parker. "People often think of him as being like the character…in the movie [The Social Network]." I wonder why! Possibly it's the expensive, drug-fueled parties. Or maybe it's the way he holds paranoid grudges over nightclub slights?
HIV levels! Generic Lipitor! Arsenic grandmothers! Low B12! Stressed parents! Hospital food! Fire surgery! Foster drugs! And Europeans are a bunch of nasty motherfuckers! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—to death!
Last Wednesday night, about 50 girls huddled in front of Madison Square Garden, warmed only by North Face jackets and their burning love for Justin Bieber. They were Beliebers, and for the next couple hours I planned to tag along as they rampaged through New York. Here are the crazy results.
It only took about 15 months of "deliberation and prayer" after her husband was accused of coercing four teenage boys into sex for Vanessa Long, wife of Bishop Eddie Long, to seek a divorce. But, whoops, turns out God changed his mind!
Earlier this year when potential Republican presidential candidates were deciding whether to run, you'd hear a common excuse from those who chose not to: My wife didn't want me to!
White guys: will we ever change? We promise, ladies and minorities, we won't! No matter how much the world around us changes, we pledge to always, always, always take most of the money, for ourselves.
Every year around Christmas you get a lot of people trying to make a YouTube clip that everyone is going to post on their Facebook wall. Here are two manic dancers who are trying to "Single Ladies" their way into your heart with a Christmas song. It's going to work.
Master of the modern freak show TLC has taken one of the most awkward of common human experiences—having sex for the first time—and made it a billion times worse by presenting it in a ghastly monstrosity of a vastly humiliating reality TV show. Behold the Virgin Diaries, in which a sex-abstaining couple shares their wedding preparation, night, and aftermath.
There are a lot of parenting books out there, but not all of them answer the very pertinent question, "Is it okay to hotbox my car with my two-year-old son in the backseat?" So allow us to answer: No. No, it is not okay.
