A Northwestern University student-tipster who's enrolled in the same American history class as Chet Haze—the rapping, acting, West Side (of Evanston)-dominating consequence of Tom Hanks' potent ejaculate—passed along this email that Haze sent across a listserv at 4 AM this morning:

We watched Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage go to hell in a handbasket during the premiere episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York. On Sunday night, it was Kim's relationship with one sister that took a beating, instead, when she went kompletely krazy on Khloe for accidentally waking her up an hour earlier than she wanted.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.

An angry snake charmer from India named Hakkal had his "99 percent" moment when bureaucrats at the Government Land Registry Office refused to process his land-request application. So Hakkal took matters into his own hands: He dumped three sacks full of 40 venomous snakes, including cobras, into the office. The scene was captured in the video above, and shows government workers shooing away the hissing snakes with fabric as the deadly reptiles slid onto chairs and desks. And miraculously — unlike the OWS protests — no one was bitten! [newsfeed.time.com via Telegraph]

Irina Kristy, an easy-grading college math professor with an impenetrable accent who has taught at Boston University and Suffolk University since 1987, has been arrested for allegedly running a crystal meth lab with Grigory Genkin, her 29-year-old son, out of their home in Somerville, Massachusetts. (This is the part in the post where you point a finger at your screen and shout, "Breaking Bad! Breaking Bad!" even though it bears only a passing resemblance to the AMC series. So please stop.)

The slow, tortuous death of the U.S. Postal Service continues with news that mail will arrive slower than ever come this spring. (Seriously? There's a way to do that?) Even the old-fashioned luxury of seeing a stamped letter arrive within 24 hours of sending it will become a thing of the past.

Perhaps that ad for Vladimir Putin's United Russia that turned a voting booth into a capsule sex hotel worked a little too well, as a record-setting 146% of the Russian electorate turned out for Sunday's parliamentary elections. (The figures pictured above are actually those of Rostovskaya Oblast, a region about 440 miles south of Moscow.)

Maricopa County, Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio has earned his status as "America's Worst Sheriff" mostly for being proactive in his awfulness and insanity. But he also deserves his title for the many things he does not do—such as "his job."

Last night Robert Pattinson went to the Los Angeles bar La Poubelle (French for "dirty cheater") and hung out with actress Sarah Roemer, who once worked with his accidental wife Kristen Stewart on a movie. Suspiciously, Stewart was not with them. Did they canoodle?

LA-based pepper-spray fashion designer Abbie Heppe used felt, puffy paint, and her knowledge of memes to create this topically festive "UC Davis Police Officer John Pike Casually Feeds Baby Jesus" holiday sweater. Now we want one! We love police brutality wear.

Troy, Michigan mayor Janice Daniels will never again be able to visit New York City without bumping into hordes of same-sex married couples showing off their wedding bands and ruining the city she once loved. It's enough to make her throw out her "I Love NY" carrying bag in disgust!

About 45,000 people evacuated Koblenz, Germany this weekend so that experienced detonators could safely defuse two World War II-era bombs that have been hanging out in the Rhine all these years, threatening their lives. Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? Yet as far as drama and action goes, the operation was completely underwhelming.

According to America's official gun-counting officials, prospective gun buyers registered 129,166 background check requests on Black Friday 2011—more than on any other Black Friday in American history, and a 32 percent increase from the last all-time high. What provoked all these gun sales?

You're like, "wait, I thought he "suspended" his campaign yesterday so he could focus on making a new website." That's all true, but just because he quit doesn't mean his supporters suspended their adoration of Herman Cain.

A teenage boy named Jonah Mowry posted the above video to YouTube in August, in which he uses note cards to share the heartbreaking story of what a lifetime of being bullied has done to him. It's one of the saddest things I've ever seen, by one of the bravest boys I've never met.

If you've spent your day on the Internet, then you might have heard about Eyebombing: a website dedicated to pictures of inanimate objects decorated with plastic googly eyes. Links to several posts about the site have been getting passed around some on Twitter, with many people referring to it as the "website of the day."

Maybe you were swamped at the office this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to go back to work and could use one last distraction. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best videos we watched during the week that was.

Doing its part to ensure that America's population of talented, unemployed writers and editors continues to grow, Yahoo shut down four of its entertainment websites yesterday: The Projector (movies), The Set (TV), The Amplifier (music), and The Famous (celebrity gossip). RIP, blogs and jobs.

Everyone meet Jane Addams High School principal Sharron Smalls—seen here getting down with, and chocolate-sauced by, a topless man who looks less-than-excited to be there. Yesterday students at Addams (it's in NYC) covered their school with copies of the photo in honor of Smalls and her achievements—particularly her use of said pic on her Facebook profile.

In the Land of Blood and Honey is being billed as Angelina Jolie's "writing and directorial" debut, but did she actually write it? Or did she adopt the movie's storyline from Bosnian-Croatian journalist/writer James J. Braddock's 2007 novel The Soul Shattering without his permission?