Footage of a man who was reportedly decapitated after jumping in front of train in the Dutch city of Driehuis was posted to Twitter by the teenagers who recorded it, and was quickly retweeted by many Twitter users in the Netherlands.

Ink may run in Rupert Murdoch's icy veins, but he's dumping his first love—newspapers—for the bitch-whore of film. News Corp. announced today that all of its newspapers and publishing assets (the dying, scandal-ridden ones) will be spun off into a new stand-alone company called Papers'n'Shit, leaving its film and television assets to make fistfuls of money unmolested by dinosaur media.

The ongoing slumification of America's suburbs is a slow motion train wreck that it is preferable to observe far away from the slumburbs themselves. Good, because people are moving back to cities now. Goodbye, The Age of Suburbs! And good riddance.

The Supreme Court has ruled 5-4 in favor of the Obama administration on the Affordable Care Act, upholding the constitutionality of the law's individual mandate as a tax. The majority opinion was written by Chief Justice John Roberts, who joined the court's liberal bloc. "The bottom line," SCOTUSBlog writes, is that "the entire ACA is upheld, with the exception that the federal government's power to terminate states' Medicaid funds is narrowly read. [...] Chief Justice Roberts' vote saved the ACA." CNN initially, and hilariously, reported incorrectly that the mandate had been struck down, briefly turning Twitter into an entertaining website.

"Hi! Wanted 2 tell u Alec & Hilaria getting married. 9p, BYOB, 4 Seas, Bev Hills, c u there don't tell papz," is maybe not such a far-fetched version of the actual wedding invitation Alec Baldwin and Hilaria will text to friends and family. According to The Post, the couple hopes to evade paparazzi by texting guests on the day of the wedding rather than sending out invitations.

Though our grandparents are often referred to as "The Greatest Generation," we, too, will make our mark in history as the generation that endured merciless war without end. First, the War on Drugs; then, the War on Terror; and now—everyone, please load your weapons—the War on Bees.

No real surprise here, but Louis C.K.'s groundbreaking ticket sales experiment was a resounding success.

American-Idol-alum-cum-YouTube-personality Todrick Hall enlists the services of stars from both worlds in the production of a Beauty and the Beast send-up that transports Belle from the whimsy of her boutique French village to the "hood rat life" of a "busted ratchet town."

Two of the world's top human beings, Sarah Jessica Parker and Victoria Beckham, found themselves at the crux of an Internet rumor Thursday. It seems people have decided that these ladies, both of whom like (and are frequently spotted wearing) clothing, are collaborating on a new celebrity fashion line.

A young man was arrested and charged with larceny outside Detroit Tuesday after he attended a party thrown by the teenaged daughter of Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Bob Seger, whose work you recognize from Tom Cruise's underwear.

It isn't news that Mitt Romney is raking in donations by the millions, far more than Obama has brought in. On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert examined the reasons behind this and the creative ways Obama is trying to catch up.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's pot decriminalization bill may be all but dead but the issue is still alive in New Jersey where the state legislature is considering the idea. All that stands in the way is the promise of a veto from Governor Chris Christie, who won't go against federal drug policy. And that's funny because he's perfectly willing to flout federal gambling policies.

As the 2012 presidential election approaches, pundits are talking a whole lot of game about civil rights, the economy, and (big one coming up Thursday) healthcare. Meanwhile, the American people care about one issue and one issue only:

If you are barefoot and poor and couldn't afford to buy the Olsen Twins' infamous $39,000 crocodile backpack from their label The Row before it sold out last year, I knew there was a reason we weren't friends.

Remember the good old days when America's rivers ran red with blood? When summer thunderstorms rained down blood in big fat drops, staining all our tennis whites crimson? When "Blood. It's What's For Dinner," was for dinner?

Which dangerous, trendy nightmare drugs was Rudy "Miami Cannibal" Eugue "tripping balls" on when he tried to eat the face of 65-year-old Ronald Poppo in May? Was it "bath salts" — "the new LSD"? Or "Spice," the "synthetic marijuana"? Or was he on LSD, the "old LSD"? Or was it cocaine psychosis? Or was it all of the drugs at once?? Let's look at the coroner's report to find out:

Minnesota for Marriage, an umbrella organization campaigning to add a "marriage definition" amendment to the North Star State's constitution, seemed to take things too far when it posted a bible quote to its official Facebook page that appeared to condone the execution of homosexuals.

The setup: two young female Washington Post reporters, frustrated with the bad dating odds in DC, fly to Alaska, where there are far more men than women, in order "to find romance." Allllll, the way to Alaska, they went, on the company dime. For romance. *Wink*

At last night's Melbourne stop on her Born This Way Ball tour, Lady Gaga debuted the song "Princess Die," and everything about it was ridiculous. "It's about some of the most deep and personal thoughts I've ever had and it's called ‘Princess Die. D-I-E. D…I…E," she announced, motioning to her Lisa Frank journal with a highway unicorn on its cover.

Not to be outdone by the New York Times' Ubermenschtastic profile of the Brant Brothers, the New York Observer is doing the world one better and introducing us to the world of... the Gatsbabies, three "preening prepsters" whose flamboyance is taking New York by storm, except that it's not taking New York by storm and I already hate them with the power of a thousand 747 engines.