The mother of an unidentified teenage girl has filed a lawsuit against the late Dennis Hopper's 21-year-old son Henry alleging he give her daughter drugs and alcohol and then raped her repeatedly while she was intoxicated.

Further discouraging news today for our fellow Americans suffering in the obesity epidemic: it turns out that having one's guts sliced open and then having a rubber ring tied around your stomach organ like a noose around a chicken neck may not be the breezy, no-hassle procedure that we had all imagined.

The woman formerly known as Larry Wachowski made her first public appearance as Lana in a promo for the film Cloud Atlas, which she helmed with brother/collaborator Andy and Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer.

Buttermilk Sky, a five-week-old Nigerian dwarf goat kid from Took a Leap Farm in Houlton, Maine, is cute as a button.

Rolo the hamster had quite the adventure over the weekend, apparently. First Rolo fell twelve feet out of a first floor window. Then he (she?) bounced off something called a 'car bonnet,' which sounds painful. And then some fucking cat chased it for a while. Luckily for Rolo, London's finest were standing nearby and on the case.

Police in Australia seized 1,230 pounds of crystal meth and heroin or $525 million.

Former Michele Bachmann aide Barb Heki is suing the congresswomen and several of her aides over the alleged theft of a private email list. Heki says the list, which she used as part of her work on the Iowa home-school network, was stolen from her private computer by Bachmann's Iowa chairperson, Kent Sorenson.

According to an AP source, the Democratic Party will include support for gay marriage in their official party platform. The announcement will be made at the upcoming Democratic National Convention. The deal comes almost three months after President Obama's statement in favor of same-sex marriage. Shortly after Obama's announcement, Senator Harry Reid predicted Democrats would change their platform on the matter.

America's sweetheart Pitbull made good on his promise to fulfill the internet's longstanding dream of sending him to a far off, inaccessible place when he visited Kodiak, Alaska earlier today. The visit was the result of a contest Pitbull held with a company that sells "energy strips," which promised to send the multi-talented rapper to the Wal-Mart with the most likes on Facebook. Naturally, forces of the internet troll-rigged the competition so that Kodiak, Alaska's Wal-Mart won by a significant margin. Almost making up for all the other shit he's put us through, Pitbull played along and seemed to enjoy himself, even agreeing to fly-out David Thorpe, one of the prank's organizers.

Inspired by the Olympics, a 34-year-old Brit on holiday in the southern French city of Biarritz reportedly decided to go for a swim all the way across the Atlantic, but was forced to turn around less than a quarter-mile offshore.

The cleanup from Fred Willard's arrest continues as ABC jerks the remaining two episodes of the 72-year-old's improv show from its lineup.

Lana Del Rey recently added a cover of Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" to her on-tour repertoire — a song which holds special meaning for the Born to Die chanteuse.

Panel of authors and sexperts declare 50 Shades of Grey a "piece of shit."

For some reason, internet public opinion has turned against Ryan Lochte, this year's Michael Phelps. It may have been his poor leg in the relay, or his loss in the 200m freestyle. Or it may have been the grill he sported on the medal podium in the race he did win. But there are a lot of reasons to love Ryan Lochte: the fact that his Twitter avatar appears to be a photo he took of a TV screen showing his face, for example. And this sequence of Tweets, a few hours after his 200m loss:

It was Halloween urban legend come to life for one Santa Clara woman who opened a sealed bag of Jolly Rancher-brand Crunch 'N Chew candies she purchased at a Safeway to find a terrible surprise inside: A rusty, three-inch "shank-like" blade.

Movie studios are growing ever more brash about squeezing as many films as possible out of every book, as director Peter Jackson confirmed Monday that the upcoming cinematic adaptation of The Hobbit will be split into three films.

Park Jae Sang, better known in his homeland as PSY, is a South Korean hip hop artist who is "popular underground due to his sense of humor and unique concerts," according to Wikipedia.

The internet is having a tantrum over NBC's terrible coverage of the Olympics. It's an entertaining spectacle, but nothing new. Since the early days of the World Wide Web, it's been used to shit on NBC's coverage of the Olympics.

Everyone copes with break-ups differently. Some people seek comfort in new relationships. Some people spend all day playing computer games. Some people craft elaborate fictions imagining how people in break-ups are coping.

According to Yahoo!, the squad, comprised of females in very good shape who wear orange short skirts, has developed a "small, but devoted following" from Olympic viewers regardless of what time their event airs on NBC. Tomorrow, the team will play against Japan at 9:30, if you'd like to set your DVR or hide in your office's bathroom stall to watch it live streamed. I'm quite sure this individual has planned accordingly.