Having to constantly up the outrageousness ante in order to remain relevant must be extremely tiring.

As we wrote last night, dead Englishman Charles Darwin received some 4,000 write-in votes in the race for Georgia's tenth congressional district, owing to the anti-science statements of his, uh, opponent, Republican Rep. Paul Broun. But Darwin wasn't the only write-in candidate! Local Athens publication Flagpole has a list of all the write-in candidates. And basically every single one would make a better candidate than Paul Broun, including, for example, "ANY NON-INSANE INDIVIDUAL":

Occupy Wall Street's visibility may have been reduced in recent months, but that's only because the movement has been working hard under-the-radar to launch the next big phase of its protest: The People's Bailout.

Peggy Noonan, whose uniquely airy style of kindergarten-reading-level prose works upon the political chattering classes (but no one else) like a snake charmer's flute works on a cobra, wrote one of the most vapid, scoff-worthy, fact-free columns of the pre-election news cycle, in which she predicted that Mitt Romney would win because she'd been seeing a lot of his yard signs around, lately. Well, now comes the post-election follow-up: Peggy Noonan is resigning from her job as a WSJ columnist, in acknowledgement of the unavoidable fact that she is an embarrassment to her profession.

Great bad movies are fueled by their ridiculous details. Miami Connection's are stellar to the point of bonkers. This is not just a great bad movie — it's a phenomenal one. The 1987 pulp movie played only in Orlando and then after being avoided, was forgotten. But now it's being revived by Drafthouse, showing in theaters all over the country including New York's Landmark Sunshine tonight. For sheer singularity, it merits reconsideration.

On last night's Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert had only one question for MSNBC's Rachel Maddow right off the bat: "Feeling good over there?"

Remember when Groupon was supposed to be the next big thing? Man. Seems like a long time ago.

Of all the notable public figures you expect to have beef with one another, CNN anchor Don Lemon and Superbad star Jonah Hill are likely dead last on the list.

On Wednesday night, the day after the president's re-election, Barack Obama paid a surprise visit to Chicago campaign headquarters. In the video, Obama is informal, uninhibited, and genuine as he thanks the staff and volunteers for their dedication and hard work. "It's not that you guys actually remind me of myself," he tells the group, "it's the fact that you are so much better than I was."

In the wake of Mitt Romney's electoral trouncing, his supporters have been threatening to move to even more socialist countries, like Canada and Australia. But, it now appears that science, of all things, has discovered just the right place for them. Astronomers announced today that they had discovered a 'Super-Earth' that may be capable of supporting human life.

In a hotly contested Congressional race in Georgia, Charles Darwin, the father of evolutionary thought, was unable to beat Republican Paul Broun. Darwin, well known for suggesting that men landed on earth after being deported from the Planet of the Apes, failed to unseat the incumbent, who campaigned on an anti-science platform, and at times refused to acknowledge that air existed, since he was unable to see it.

Pat Robertson, a man who has a club named after him for how many times he masturbated in one day, is stunned by the prospect of women masturbating. Robertson, who is renowned for suggesting that people might not want to adopt children and that men should move to Saudi Arabia to beat their wives, was amazed that 30% of women in the United States of America love porn.

The destruction caused by Sandy is estimated to be in the range of $50 billion. Thousands have been left without a place to live, utilities, and other basic necessities. Yesterday, The New York Times revealed what is probably the most damaging aftereffect of the super storm yet: tight jeans. Terming the tragic condition the "Sandy Five", the Times went out into New York in search of people who had put on weight because of overeating during the storm and its aftermath.

Chris Christie, who is already being blamed by conservatives for costing Republicans the election with his refusal to be political during a time of crisis for his state, revealed to reporters today that he has yet to speak with Mitt Romney despite having already phoned President Obama to congratulate him on his reelection.

When you went to Wal-Mart today, you probably could not help but notice that the store was sad. That is because on Tuesday Montana voters overwhelmingly voted to deprive them of their humanity. Initiative 166 was passed with 75% of the vote, and states that corporations are "not entitled to constitutional rights because they are not human beings." The initiative was on the ballot due to the United States Supreme Court's decision in Citizens United, which held that corporations are cuddly people just like you and me, and are entitled to drop limitless amounts of money into political campaigns.

Do you hear that sound? That's the sound of my heart breaking because you motherfuckers are not doing your part keep McDonald's afloat.

Maine and Maryland made history on election night by becoming the first states to legalize same-sex marriage by a popular vote.

Snatch that artificial chocolate drink away from your children or yourself if you are an adult who's into that sort of thing. Nestle has recalled more than 200,000 cans of Nesquik, due to fears of salmonella contamination.

Internet nostalgia is having a moment. Animated gifs, AOL Instant Messenger, even the bracing sound of the dial-up modem have all been fondly fetishized as relics of an older internet. Now a slightly more stomach-churning bit of online past can be yours with a custom Goatse email address. The most famous gross-out meme on the internet is back, in a way.

Speaking with CBS News today, several unnamed aides and advisers to Mitt Romney said the presidential candidate knew he was headed for a loss as soon as the polls closed, but was stunned by the outcome nonetheless.