A woman claiming to be the personal assistant of Waffle House CEO Joe W. Rogers Jr. has filed a complaint with the Atlanta Police Department alleging nearly a decade's worth of sexual harassment at the hands of her former employer.

I mean, look at this guy. He's got legs like a German track cyclist and a chest like a beer keg. He clearly has hair extensions and those are a major turn-off, but I'll let that slide. Seriously, look at him! Prance, you sexy beat! Or radish, sorry. So much blood has left my head and rushed into my penis that I'm clearly disoriented. But o my heaven, radish man I'm yours and enter me sideways or in my mouth I don't care just do it now before anything below the belt turns blue.

Slate confirmed this just moments ago, that Paula Broadwell, co-author of All In: The Education of General David, was the not-so-mysterious other woman who forced his resignation. According to Slate, the two were long rumored to be chummy and often went on five mile jogs together, but Petraeus was "so square" that it was all dismissed as scuttlebutt. Nope.

China's government has once again shut down Google+ (all Google sites) as it meets to choose new government leadership.

Treasured gift Lindsay Lohan has been forced to pull out of a much-hyped 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters, after learning that Walters planned to use the interview as an attempt to interview her.

Barely a month and a half after Fox News shocked the nation by airing a car chase that ended in a graphic close-up shot of a suicide, Los Angeles-area television stations were back showing live police pursuits without a tape delay.

Remember that time Chris Brown savagely beat up and nearly choked the life out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna before she managed to loosen his grip by "attempting to gouge his eyes"?

Sound the war bells, grab your gear, and prepare to man the bombers, fellow Americans: the dirty nation of IRAN has wiped its shit-stained bootheel upon our national sovereignty, in the following manner: they shot at one of our spy drones. We say it was outside of Iranian territory; they dispute that. Either way, the strong, muscular foreign policy view of this must be: Hey, That Was Ours, And We Must Escalate Into All Out War, Or We Might Look Weak. From The Guardian:

David Petraeus, the national-security golden-boy who rose from commander of CENTCOM to head of the CIA (and was often mentioned as a potential future GOP presidential candidate), has reportedly resigned, citing an extramarital affair.

A presidential campaign is like senior year. It takes forever. You mentally check out about halfway through. Everyone gets sick of the jocks and the BMOC types. The hot women are all going out with exactly the WRONG guys. You eagerly anticipate never speaking to or hearing from almost all of these people ever again. And years later, everyone wakes up and realizes that the nerds secretly won.

The New York offices of both the New York Civil Liberties Union and the American Civil Liberties Union are located in the financial district. Their building on Broad Street was decimated by Sandy's storm surge and their offices likely won't be open for the foreseeable future. They could use your help.

Us Weekly does not wish to alarm Taylor Swift, but let's just say she better get used to requesting "Table for one, please," because she will definitely be alone for ever.

Republicans bitter about losing the election? Maybe just a tad.

Yesterday, we told you that David Siegel, the humongously wealthy CEO who threatened to lay his workers off if Obama was reelected, did not, in fact, lay them off—he gave everyone raises. Unfortunately, not every boss is as kindly as the King of Versailles. Our call for news of Obama reelection-related layoffs brought in the following, from across the nation:

Yesterday, Jared Loughner, the 24-year-old man who murdered six people and injured 13 including Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-Az.) was sentenced to life imprisonment and spared a death sentence for being a hopeless nutcase. In the courthouse yesterday, some his victims confronted Jared for the first time, including Giffords and her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly. They shamed him with their tales of suffering, and Kelly said that his wife engaged in "quite the staring contest" with the man who put a bullet in her brain. Jared said nothing.

A California woman who gained overnight infamy after posting a Facebook status update expressing a desire to see President Obama — whom she referred to as "the nigger" — assassinated during his second term in office remained defiant despite losing her job at Cold Stone Creamery and being brought to the attention of the Secret Service.

Tuesday night self-proclaimed "America's Toughest Sheriff" and Department of Justice-proclaimed civil rights violator Joe Arpaio was re-elected in Arizona as Maricopa County's sheriff. Arpaio has become a highly controversial figure, primarily for his policing, which was the subject of a DOJ investigation last year.

In Florida this month, the state board of education approved one of the most controversial sets of educational achievement goals the country has seen in quite some time. In an effort to close the racial achievement gap that plagues much of America, the board decided to use that gap to set parameters for what it expects children of different races to achieve over the next six years. Breaking from George W. Bush's "No Child Left Behind," which demanded uniform achievement goals for all students in an effort to avoid "soft bigotry," Florida is now going to have racially stratified educational targets in math and reading. In other words, black children performing more poorly than white children won't just be tolerated, it will be the rule.

Oh, your cat did something cute? Sorry, I was distracted by something cute this baby tiger did.

So this is how we're going to tango.