Gilberto Valle, the NYPD cop suspected of planning to kidnap, cook, and eat dozens of women, was probably going to be denied bail again anyway, but it certainly didn't help his case that prosecutors were able to produce a transcript of an online conversation he had about eating "girl meal" for Thanksgiving.

The great thing about people who Remember the 90s is that, more often than not, a working knowledge of the 90s is these individuals' most dominant trait.

As the 150 journalists and fans held captive on Rihanna's Boeing 777 return to their homes and families and try to build some semblance of a post-Rihanna Plane life, Rihanna herself remains unfazed, tweeting (threateningly?) about the space she now has on her "big ole jet."

Barbara Walters may be upset and disappointed after being bumped by Lindsay Lohan in favor of appearances on nearly every other talk show, but the Liz & Dick star told Jay Leno last night that "the timing wasn't right."

Oranges: a popular fruit. Very popular. Go in any place that sells fruit, fruit store, or whatever, and I bet one thing you will see there displayed prominently is—that's right—oranges. The point is that oranges are very popular in America. So then, smartass: why is there no orange pie?

Two Bangor, Maine, news anchors decided to tender their resignation live on the air during yesterday's 6 PM newscast, saying a written resignation would have likely prevented them from doing so.

Tufts University voted to rescind the honorary degree they gave Lance Armstrong, one of America's most brilliant minds.

Police in Israel are on the hunt for two suspected terrorists as an apparent bomb explosion aboard a civilian bus in Tel Aviv injured at least 21 people.

A Chicago woman was stalking a priest because god "told her" to marry him. Chicago is the new Florida.

In the same way that New Yorkers love eating bagels on a brisk Sunday morning, San Franciscans love reading the morning paper on a park bench with their balls out for all to see. Nudity is just what happens there. It's natural. The Olsen Twins grew up there.

No need to fret over the recent news that Lindsay Lohan could be headed back to jail very, very soon. It turns out, Lindsay Lohan ain't even mad at jail. Jail makes her a better fake-crier.

For the fortunate ones who don't know, Thought Catalog is a site where millennials go to write about sex, Xanax, other drugs, and what it's like to live in Brooklyn. Some might even call it a "me-centric angst dump." Thought Catlog is now here to save the publishing industry with their very own line of e-books.

Unless you're Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, one of the twinks from One Direction, "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E.L. James, Olympian Gabby Douglas, musical idiot Seth MacFarlane, probable Oscar winner Ben Affleck, or perennially angry New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, you did not make Barbara Walters annual list of most fascinating people.

Hostess and its union have failed to agree during mediation talks. The Twinkie is now actually doomed.

Silvan Shalom, the Vice Prime Minister of Israel, just had his Facebook and Twitter accounts completely compromised by a group that calls themselves the ZCompany Hacking Crew.

In the pop-diva canon, Ke$ha has traditionally been thought of as Katy Perry's naughty older sister or Christina Aguilera's rappy cousin. But this characterization is wholly unfair to the woman (curvy woman!) who's currently tearing her way through a series of great TV performances of her single, "Die Young," the latest of which was during this morning's The Today Show (embeded above).

During the press onslaught surrounding Fiona Apple's recent album, The Idler Wheel. . ., the most important character in the artist's personal sphere was her pit-bull mix, Janet, a 13-year-old stray rescue.

A mall Santa in Reading had to be rescued by a member of the British Army after his beard got caught in the rope during an abseiling stunt gone wrong.

Justin Bieber is in a cranky mood these days, which means he's either teething or ruing the day that his mother ever pushed him into a life of public scrutiny and emotional dwarfism. On Sunday's American Music Awards, he dedicated one award to his haters and, during his Artist of the Year (ha, Artist of the Year, can you imagine?) acceptance speech, he moaned, "It's hard growing up with everything going on, with everyone watching me."

On a recent episode of Bill Simmons' B.S. Report, guest Bill Hader talked at length about his hugely popular recurring SNL character Stefon — particularly how he and co-writer John Mulaney come up with all those crazy New York hot spots.