Sorry that I'm talking about Christmas before you've even eaten your Thanksgiving meal, but some things just can't wait. Like most of you, I'm already rattled with fear over finding that perfect little stocking stuffer, that one gift that will make all my friends and family think, "Wow, what a thoughtful kid." Thankfully, Horny man Travis' NaNoWriMo entry has put my mind at ease.

It's Thanksgiving, and you promised your friends and family that you'd cook something. But in preparation for seeing your friends and family, you've already started to drink. A lot. No worries — we've got five great recipes designed for the already drunk.

According to a Swedish study, men who were weak as teenagers are more likely to die prematurely. The study, which tracked roughly a million men over a period of 24 years, found that men who, as teenagers, had stronger leg and arm muscles (and a stronger grip) had a 20-35% lower risk of early death from any cause.

It seems as though spending $100 million on two failed campaigns for Senate has left pro-wrestling magnate/ "self-funding Republican" Linda McMahon light on cash. Either that, or her campaign is cheap and vindictive (or inept).

After three and a half years, Chevy Chase is done at Community. The agreement to part ways was apparently mutual and will take place immediately. Chase's departure won't have much of an impact on the critically-acclaimed show's fourth season - all but two of the season's episodes had already been filmed – but it will likely have a positive impact on the sitcom's morale.

Here are blessings that Nicki Minaj may or may not be thankful for, as stated on the re-release of the sequel to her first album:

More than anything this Thanksgiving I am thankful for this video of a San Diego anchorwoman giving a turkey call the old college try.

Even the most verbally combative families will eventually run out of things to talk about if Thanksgiving dinner drags on too long.

Britain's Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle has been trying to find her way back to the headlines for some time now. The good news is that she's finally succeeded.

Bullshit obligations: Can't live with ‘em...but actually you have to because that is the nature of obligations. If you have somehow found yourself in a situation where you are exchanging presents with a relative, in-law, co-worker, frenemy, dog walker or barista that you simply can't stand, you should give yourself the gift of a backbone and stop.

"It was pretty despicable that someone, during this time of the year, would tell kids Santa isn't real - which of course we would argue," Const. Steve Koopman of the Kingston Police said about the 24-year-old man arrested on Saturday during the Eastern Ontario city's annual Santa Claus Parade.

Just one day shy of Thanksgiving, Art Ginsburg (known as television's Mr. Food) died at 81 from pancreatic cancer.

Bipolar scion Jesse Jackson, Jr., who stood for re-election to his seat in the House of Representatives two weeks ago despite having spent virtually the entire campaign in hiding or under treatment for manic depression, has finally stepped down.

The White House is putting its annual turkey pardon to a Facebook poll, allowing anyone to vote on which turkey—Cobbler or Gobbler—will be blessed by Obama this Thanksgiving. But what could have been a profound glimpse into the very heart of Death is just a meaningless gimmick, because neither turkey is actually at risk of being killed.

Hey you! Ever wondered what food writers REALLY think of Thanksgiving? No? Food writers are assholes and you don't give a shit? Well, tough turkey for you, gravyballs.

Ang Lee's Life of Pi, a faithful adaptation of Yann Martel's 2001 novel, respects all religions, but it worships itself. Based on a tip from a mutual friend, a writer attends the house of the titular Pi, which provides the framing device for Pi's recounted tall tale that finds him out to sea for 227 days on a small boat with a giant Bengal tiger. "He said that you have a story that would make me believe in God," says the writer excitedly.

After eight days of intense fighting during which nearly 150 Palestinians and five Israeli were killed and hundreds of others were injured, both the Israeli government and Hamas officials have agreed to the terms of an Egypt-brokered ceasefire that is set to go into effect at 9 PM local time (2 PM ET).

Emma Stone may be the latest celebrity to have their sex life laid bare if a RadarOnline report on a possible pre-fame sex tape is to be believed.

A cute baby chaser to wash away the taste of that terrible Cannibal Cop story? Coming right up.

By launching rockets from densely populated civilian areas, we are told, Hamas is guilty of using "human shields." It is deliberately conducting military operations near civilians in order to deter Israel from responding, for fear of killing civilians. There is one problem with this formulation: Israel has not been deterred. The humans are not shielding Hamas. The Israeli Defense Forces are killing them. They're not "human shields." They're just dead.