With Ben Affleck signing up to play Batman in the Man of Steel sequel and Bryan Cranston heavily rumored to join him as archvillain Lex Luthor, there was no way the Internet was going to wait patiently until next year to catch its first glimpse of what that might look like.

When Leon Smith felt a warm body nuzzling his neck in the middle of the night, he naturally assumed it was his girlfriend looking for some late-night love.

Brian Lewis’s attorney Judd Burstein just provided this statement to Gawker:

The front page, above-the-fold news in the St. Augustine (FL) Record today: "St. Augustine Shores man discovers likeness of Virgin Mary in tree."

After spending the last week spoiling every single thing besides Breaking Bad, Dean Norris (Hank Schrader) has become fed up with fans hounding him for Breaking Bad finale hints and has decided to go ahead and ruin the whole damn thing.

The YouTube channel whatever distinguishes itself from other so-called "prank channels" by passing off its practical jokes as "social experiments."

It's been just over 36 hours since Miley Cyrus stuck her tongue out at the pearl-clutching world of knee-jerk moral outrage, but someone already went and wrote a song that puts the entire manufactured fiasco in perfect perspective.

Ousted PR attack dog Brian Lewis has laid low in the month since Fox News president Roger Ailes ejected him from the channel after accusing Lewis of “financial irregularities” and “multiple, material and significant breaches of his employment contract.” He has spoken on the record just once — to rebut Ailes biographer Gabriel Sherman’s account of Lewis calling Bill O’Reilly a “chucklehead.” Now he’s lawyering up. According to a source familiar with his legal situation, Lewis has retained Manhattan entertainment lawyer Judd Burstein, whose online list of clients includes past clients Donald Trump and the Backstreet Boys and present ones Oscar de la Hoya and Donny Deutsch.

Inspired by the following (DIDDY DENIED) item from the New York Daily News' "Confidenti@l" column:

After the American real estate boom came crashing down five years ago, we were momentarily chastened. We moved out of the new condo, and into a cardboard box. When we finally built new homes, they were reasonably small. Well. Fuck that.

The Washington Post sent Jason Horowitz to tag along with Newark mayor Cory Booker, as New Jersey's Twitter folk hero and presumptive next United States Senator made his rounds. Cory Booker is pals with everyone:

Meet Kenneth Klee. Klee is the senior partner at Klee, Tuchin, Bogdanoff & Stern, a high-powered bankruptcy law firm based in Los Angeles. He charges around $1,000 an hour—for legal advice. For energy healing, he only charges a tenth of that.

NYPD officer Michael Ackerman has been charged with allegedly lying about the violent arrest of freelance New York Times photographer Robert Stolarik last summer.

Remember when Juan Williams was a respected NPR journalist? It seems so long ago. He said something dumb, got fired, got bitter, got picked up by Fox News, and now makes a living as a sort of reformed liberal talking clown, paid to confirm the right wing's prejudices. Today: Juan Williams doesn't like that rapping music, either!

After blasting onto the adult entertainment scene at the tender age of 18 and sticking around long enough to make herself a household name, the girl known as Gauge suddenly called it quits in 2005 and rejoined the world of "regular civilians."

In Enemies Within, the new book from Pulitzer Prize-winning Associated Press reporters Matt Apuzzo and Adam Goldman on the NYPD's indiscriminate and probably illegal spying program, reference is briefly made to a "real yellow cab, complete with an authentic taxi medallion registered under a fake name" used by the department's intelligence division to conduct surveillance operations. This is that cab.

"All 25,000 people who took the entrance exam for the University of Liberia failed this year."

A day after Secretary of State John Kerry called last week's alleged chemical attack on Syrian civilians a "moral obscenity," Syrian foreign minister Walid al-Moallem challenged the U.S. to provide evidence of chemical warfare, and said the country will defend itself "using all means available" in the event of a U.S. strike.

Sometime in the next day or two, the Obama administration will release a declassified report justifying a U.S. military strike in Syria, according to CBS News. The news comes just hours after Secretary of State John Kerry held a press conference in which he described last week's chemical attacks in Syria as an "obscenity” that “defy any code of morality."

Last Tuesday, Michael Brandon Hill allegedly entered a Georgia elementary school with more than 500 rounds of ammunition, an AK-47, and a clear intention to end his life and the lives of those around him. Fortunately, the 20-year-old came in contact with Antoinette Tuff, a compassionate bookkeeper who ultimately talked the young man into surrendering before anyone on the premises was physically hurt.