Ralph Lauren's son and George W. Bush's niece get married. Jane Fonda regrets not sleeping with Che Guevara. Beyonce and Charlie Sheen celebrate their birthdays. Monday gossip found a $20,000 watch—maybe it'll get to meet Chris Brown?

  • Lauren Bush—George W.'s niece and George H.W.'s granddaughter—married David Lauren, son of Ralph, in a "western-themed" ceremony "overlooking the Rocky Mountains" at the Laurens' ranch in Colorado. Lauren (Bush) wore an "intricately embroidered Victorian-style gown" designed by (Ralph) Lauren, while (David) Lauren was dressed in a "Lincoln era-inspired tuxedo." George W. Bush was there, but George H. W. Bush was not, due to the altitude; he did, however, send a "video message." The whole thing sounds pretty unbearable, frankly (the bride entered "in a horse-drawn carriage" heading "to a hand-crafted ceremony structure made out of the ranch's Aspen trees"), but we are still psyched on the fact that Lauren Bush is now Lauren Bush Lauren. [People, Page Six]
  • Here is a slightly, hmm, dramatic account of Jane Fonda's marriage to Tom Hayden in which Jane is quoted as saying "My biggest regret is I never got to f*** Che Guevara." Anyway, happy Labor Day! [Daily Mail]
  • By the time the exhibit closes in October, some 500,000 people are expected to have paid nearly $30 to look at Kate Middleton's wedding dress in person, even though it doesn't have healing properties or Jesus' face in it or anything. [People]
  • The young woman who returned the absurdly expensive clock lost by abusive paranoiac Chris Brown will be rewarded with backstage passes to his concert and a special "meet and greet." [NYDN]
  • Sunday was Beyonce's 30th birthday, and you know what that means! The palm flower on her hand turns black and she has to report to to the sleepshop. But before that, she and her husband, poet Robert Lowell, grabbed dinner in Venice at "one of the city's most celebrated restaurants," so, probably Chipotle. [People]
  • It was also Charlie Sheen's birthday (on Saturday), and he got dinner with his twins and ex-wife Brooke Mueller at Buca di Beppo, Los Angeles' only Michelin-starred restaurant. [NYDN]