Today in Dallas, the city held a memorial service for the five officers killed by Micah Johnson last week. The service was attended by Barack and Michelle Obama, among others. It was, as you would expect, a somber affair for everyone—everyone except George W. Bush, who was ready to fucking party.
George W. Bush, former president of the United States of America, would like you to know that this isn’t him in a post-fuck cuddle line in that “Famous” video.
Mark your calendars: In July, the National Archives intends to publicly release over 1,000 pages of records from the George W. Bush administration pertaining to Skull and Bones, the Yale secret society that counts both the former president and his former president father as members. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll learn whether Dubya’s grandfather Prescott Bush—also a Bonesman—really dug up and stole the skull of Geronimo from the Apache warrior’s grave, as Skull and Bones legend holds he did one night in 1918.
When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst. Please, enjoy.
At tonight’s CNN Republican Presidential Town Hall in Columbia, South Carolina, after months of struggling to connect with voters, Jeb Bush finally said something we can all relate to: He thinks his brother’s painting habit is “really weird.” Jeb didn’t refer to W.’s naked self-portraits specifically, but I’m sure those haunt his dreams.
You’ll never guess who Donald Trump thinks could have prevented 9/11. Just kidding: It’s Donald Trump.
On the morning of the Father of the Year Awards Luncheon, I ran out of bread enough to even make cinnamon toast for my children, and I ended up serving them some Chocolate Chex and the last apple in the house. Not that I was going there to win Father of the Year. I was merely going to watch.
Ludacris hasn't been a great or even good rapper in a very long time. But today he met Jeb Bush and sent a nice little punchline at the entire Bush family, staff, record label, and crew.
Jon Stewart learned the gruesome details of the CIA's torture of detainees along with the rest of us yesterday, and it made him feel like Mr. Creosote after a wafer-thin mint. Which is to say, he wanted to puke—an understandable reaction after learning an inmate's meal was "pureed and rectally infused," apparently resulting in "no actionable intelligence."
A declassified summary of the Senate Intelligence Committee's $50 million investigation of the CIA's torture techniques of captured militants after 9/11 was finally released today. As expected, the report describes methods used by CIA operatives that went beyond the scope of what was authorized by the White House, CIA officials, and the Justice Department.
A teacher at McKinley Middle School in Washington, D.C. sent their sixth grade students home with an assignment from a "war and peace" section in the curriculum: compare and contrast Adolf Hitler and former U.S. President George W. Bush in a Venn diagram. "Both men abused their powers," the teacher apparently explained.
