Luke Russert golf-carted around the Democratic convention like some kind of boy king while his bitter coworkers had to hoof it. Obviously this rumor is made up, because everyone knows NBC correspondents air their bitter grievances only on camera. [P6]
Jennifer Aniston will apparently guest star on an episode of 30 Rock. Then she'll start pressuring the show for commitment, dropping hints about babies and planting marriage rumors in the press until 30 Rock runs screaming out of its apartment, breaks up with her via text message and spills the whole sordid tale to the paparazzi. [Star]
We finally got an answer to the question, "David Duchovny Why Won't You Love Me:" Because he's a sex addict. [Us]
Michael Jackson told Good Morning America he plans to have a totally normal 50th birthday party, watching cartoons with children. He's getting so media savvy in his later years! [ABC]
Oprah saw Obama on stage and just instantly cried so hard. "It changed my life." [ET]
Dick Cheney lost 40 pounds. He said the workouts were torture. No, literally, he tortured people. It keeps him very limber. [P6]
The crucial Sean Penn endorsement has gone to Barack Obama. Also, Penn totally called that Biden thing. [P6]
Lindsay Lohan's grandfather died, and her press-hungry Dad promptly issued a statement bitching out his ex-wife for not having called him yet and wondering if she would bring Lindsay to the funeral. This was by way of saying he's not a fame-addicted media whore. The full letter is truly insane. [OK!]
