Did anyone notice the moon flicker a deep blood red for, like, half a second last night? No big deal. That was just Katie Holmes switching bodies with her six year old daughter Suri Cruise.

This is the kind of story a natural disaster makes you forget is important: a couple Saturdays ago, Katie Holmes and her daughter Suri had dinner at Mr. Chow next to a group of fellow diners dressed up as Katie and Suri Freedom Fighters for Halloween. Also present: a guy dressed as Tom Cruise's character from Top Gun.

There's at least one New Yorker hoping the subway system completely floods today: the New York Post reports that Katie Holmes' Chelsea subway stop has recently become host to three advertisements for the Church of Scientology.

While rumors have long circulated about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' union being arranged, an upcoming Vanity Fair cover story asserts that in 2004 there was a Scientology-sponsored audition process to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend — and Katie Holmes wasn't the first choice.

Tom Cruise formally ended his raw, real heterosexual love affair with actress Katie Holmes on Monday, after a judge in New York agreed to the final terms of their divorce.

27-year-old model-slash-actress Yolanda Pecoraro is reportedly being considered by the Church of Scientology as a potential mate for Tom Cruise in the wake of his split from third wife Katie Holmes.

Just two days after his daughter Suri and ex-wife Katie Holmes were involved in a minor accident, Tom Cruise, with Suri in tow, ran red lights and sped through Manhattan in an attempt to outrun paparazzi. The chase, which lasted 20 minutes, included ten cars full of paparazzi, plus six stragglers on bikes, all of whom also ran the red lights.

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise (is it sans the Cruise yet? Who can know?) were hit by a steaming, simmering New York City-summer pile of garbage yesterday as they were leaving Chelsea Piers after a day of more mandatory normalcy.

Now that the Cruise/Holmes divorce saga has wrapped up without much fuss, all of us who had looked forward to filling our silences with discussions of its minutiae over the next several months are left scrambling.

Yes, yes, the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes divorce has been settled, but that doesn't mean new details won't continue to emerge.

Katie Holmes was allegedly granted primary "physical" custody of Suri, according to reports on the private divorce settlement she and Tom Cruise reached earlier today.

Nation, breathe easy: Katie Holmes has hopefully gotten what was coming to her from her five-year arranged marriage to Tom Cruise. The two reportedly reached a private divorce settlement today, less than two weeks after Holmes's official filing at the Manhattan Supreme Court.

Marty Rathbun has long been a thorn in Scientology's side, but his release of an email by the Office of Special Affairs ("dirty tricks and propaganda") may prove especially troubling.

There are a lot of similarities between the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes divorce and the Tom Cruise-Nicole Kidman divorce: the age 33, the custody battle, the allegation that it was a sham marriage to begin with. But listen, Nicole Kidman doesn't want to talk about it.

The first trailer for Tom Cruise's next action flick Jack Reacher is about what you'd expect: lots of running and shooting and driving. But it comes in the middle of Cruise's very public divorce from Katie Holmes — and the allegations that Scientology has played a significant role.

Those of you who worried you'd have to wait for your lives to be over before a Dawson's Creek reunion happened have Tom Cruise to blame.

From the current (July 16) issue of OK! Magazine: "We often see Katie Holmes carrying around 6 year-old daughter Suri— dollies, blankets, and all. But on June 25, the little princess gave mom's back a break as they sprinted through the streets of NYC. With husband Tom Cruise shooting Oblivion in Iceland, the dressed-down Katie enjoyed some just-us-girls time with Suri, stopping by Chelsea Piers, Whole Foods and Jacque Torres Chocolate. They also saw the film Brave in the East Village. The pair rejoined Tom for his 50th birthday on July 3."

It's been a mere four days since Katie Holmes filed for divorce, ending her five-year marriage to Tom Cruise, and it's already shaping up to be one of the messiest, most mysterious divorces Hollywood has seen in a while. Amid Katie's attempt to gain full custody of Suri, rumors that Scientology is to blame for the split, and claims that members of the church are following her, Katie Holmes has now fired her entire security team. They were allegedly, "too close to Tom."

If Rupert Murdoch calls you "creepy, maybe even evil," you might have an image problem.

It looks like Katie Holmes was planning her escape from Tom Cruise in advance.