[There was a video here]

As you know, Donald Trump has been saying mean things about Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi. First he insinuated that he has some sort of dirt on her, and then last night he essentially called her ugly. Today, Cruz decided he’d had enough and delivered into the television cameras his best impression of someone who is very tough and not to be messed with anymore.

“Donald, you’re a sniveling coward,” Cruz seethed, pointing directly at a camera. “Leave Heidi the hell alone.”

Haha. Ted Cruz’s anger is probably very real. Insulting one’s spouse is pretty fucked up. But for some reason Ted Cruz appears unable to translate that anger in a way that doesn’t feel acutely as if he’s over-reading lines in an acting class. Has anybody outside of a movie set ever actually said the phrase “sniveling coward?” My guess would be no.

But more to the point, since this is all just theatre anyway: Nobody can be a better fake tough person than Donald Trump. His fame exploded after he fake fired people from a game show on television, and now that character is about to be named the Republican nominee for president. This isn’t a surprise, given the modern Republican party’s fetish for men of the gilded class who playact as Wild West cowboys, but it is reality. This time around, the category of Best Actor has been won in a landslide. Sorry, Ted.