Earlier today, Heidi Cruz joined a conference call with Ted’s volunteer prayer militia, the National Prayer Team, to encourage Ted’s supporters not to lose hope. After all, it took “25 years” (no it did not) to end slavery—Heidi can handle another four with Ted.
Perpetual former candidate for president Ted Cruz ran a very particular kind of campaign. A campaign that some might have called “nauseating” or “hard to watch.” But this evening, no one had a harder time watching than Heidi Cruz—because her husband’s elbow was jammed directly into her face.
Heidi Cruz engaged in some stellar verbal gymnastics on the campaign trail this morning, presumably to avoid implicating herself when the truth finally does come out. All of which is to say, Heidi Cruz declined to deny that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.
At a rally in South Bend, Indiana yesterday, Ted Cruz continued his “I am a human” tour with newfound running mate Carly Fiorina. And as he took to the stage with his companion and progeny, loving, human father Ted Cruz reached down to his daughter, Caroline, to show the cameras just how much he cares. As any rational person would do in this situation, Caroline ran.
Late Wednesday night, a collective shudder made its way across the nation as Heidi Cruz was forced to recount the very moment she realized that, in marrying Ted Cruz, she had entered a soup-filled living hell. Or as Campbell’s Soup put it in an email to Gawker, “a great idea.”
Thanks to CNN’s town hall, America just got another glimpse into the waking hell that is Heidi Cruz’s daily life. Tonight’s entry into the Heidi Cruz catalogue of the macabre: A newlywed Ted Cruz celebrates by buying 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup.
Heidi Cruz, a former Goldman Sachs banker, is probably Ted Cruz’s best inroad to the city full of Jews and gays he campaigned against just a few weeks ago when he was angling for that sweet evangelical vote. But has she ever been to New York City before? Hard to say.
A few years ago, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge took the nation’s Facebook timelines by storm, as hundreds of thousands of individuals poured freezing water on their heads lest they be forced to donate money to charity. In August of 2014, current presidential candidate Ted Cruz was one of those challengers. And like most videos involving Ted Cruz, this one’s hard to watch.
“When we started, there were 17 candidates in this race,” Ted Cruz told WTMJ radio host Charlie Sykes on Wednesday. “It was a wonderfully diverse, talented, dynamic, young field. It had really incredible talent. If you look at a number of the candidates that took on Donald Trump early on, they ended up as roadkill.”
As you know, Donald Trump has been saying mean things about Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi. First he insinuated that he has some sort of dirt on her, and then last night he essentially called her ugly. Today, Cruz decided he’d had enough and delivered into the television cameras his best impression of someone who is very tough and not to be messed with anymore.
On Tuesday evening, Donald Trump threatened Senator Ted Cruz, via Twitter, over a social media advertising campaign funded by the anti-Trump political action committee Make America Awesome. The campaign included a nude photograph of Melania Trump, originally shot for British GQ in 2000.
If you’ll recall, a few days ago, Heidi Cruz revealed that the human flesh mask she married has a habit of calling out of the blue and making noises at her set to song. Now, we get to hear that singing bag of skin for our very selves.
In preparation for tonight’s caucuses, Ted Cruz has spent nearly three-quarters of the past month campaigning in Iowa. That means his darling wife, Heidi Cruz, has also had to spend a lot of time in Iowa. And according to a source familiar with the Cruz family, Iowa is Heidi Cruz’s own living hell.
