There are Mormons in Manhattan! More than ever before, in fact! And they all make great workers because they're never hungover or pregnant, until they get married, at which point they are always pregnant. One of these Mormons, quoted in today's Observer expose by Doree Shafrir, is, in fact, popular Gawker Commenter Greg. Greg calls some of his fellow Mormon New Yorkers "a little Pollyannaish and a little OCD" and says that while the LDSers avoided Manhattan for many years, things changed "with Friends and Mad About You, all those happy New York TV shows that ruined New York by making it safe for everyone." Ha, we like a Mormon. Also Mormons are surely the only group of people in America who remember—let alone found inspiration from—Mad About You. [NYO]

It's humiliating enough that European tourists, marveling at the decline of the dollar, treat a visit to New York like a trip to the factory outlet. Mike Albo, in the latest installment of his occasional column, channels an even more annoying type: the returning expat.

I'm in Miami right now! Aren't you jealous? Probably not—it's 50 degrees in New York today. Also, there has never been anything more overrated than spending Holidaytime in a sunny, palm-tree infested place. It just feels wrong.

· Who needs writers when you have Carmen Electra, a pair of beds, and some pillows to hump? Not Ellen, that's who.
· A bigger impediment to one's game: being David Faustino, or having a giant dildo affixed to one's head?
· The Santarchy guys really need to crash the Beverly Center's Hunky Santa booth.
· New York may have found true reality TV love.
· The one about the vacationers and the toothbrush in the ass has always been our favorite urban legend.

"There it was, the Rome, the Paris, the London of the twentieth century," Sherman McCoy thinks in Bonfire of the Vanities, eulogizing Manhattan from the Triborough Bridge. That was quoted in yesterday's kinda pointless Times piece about the 20th anniversary of the Tom Wolfe novel and how New York is no longer that fractured, dangerous city. But! Maybe New York is actually the 20th Century Paris of the 21st Century! Look at the evidence!

Generally, an attachment called "fun.doc" is probably a computer-crippling virus. Sometimes, though, it is much, much worse. Take the case of the document Gawker received yesterday, featuring a packed, "fun"-filled itinerary for a New York weekend sent from a local to friends visiting from noted no-account flyover one-horse town "Boston, Massachusetts." It is, perhaps, a perfect, itemized tour through the 7 circles of New York tourist hell, and while we can't recreate the original's wacky fonts, we can reprint the gruesome details.

As some of you might know, I am returning to New York from Washington, DC, where I've spent the last year-and-a-half not leaving my apartment. I turned to this insightful interview with former Washington Post columnist Lloyd Grove—who made a similar move in 2003—for advice on what to expect upon my arrival. Because New York is different, in so many ways. It's bigger, and it has Donald Trump! And people are always trying to give you things, like booze and clothes and the Gawker book.

Observed this weekend on an uptown A train: a typical subway scene. An entrepreneurial sort was selling DVDs from a canvas messenger bag slung over his shoulder; titles available included Rush Hour 3, Mr. Bean's Holiday, and The Bourne Ultimatum, all for the low, low price of $5 each. "That won't even get you in the door of the theater!" he proclaimed. Which is true. Have you been to a movie lately? Jesus Christ. Anyway, deals were available if you were interested in purchasing more than one movie. Also, if you were leery of the quality of the DVD, this resourceful man had a solution.

Company meeting for New York mag employees at 11 a.m. today! The rumor is that New York magazine's parent company, New York Magazine Holdings LLC, will be announcing to its employees a corporate name change to "New York Media." Surely the name of the mag itself won't change? (By the way, "New York Media" = "We just hired 45,000 bloggers.")

New York's current issue works the well-worn "New York vs. [INSERT CITY HERE]" territory that local editors have been so thankful for lo these many years. This time around London is the other burg, and the questions are fast and furious: Who's the world's financial center? Who's got better food? Who's having better sex? It's essentially the stuff that you see in New York (or Time Out) each week, but this time with an opposing team. Sneaked in amongst the comparisons, though, is "Which City Is a Bigger Terror Target?," one of the more bizarre "mine's bigger" arguments we've heard in a while. The general consensus seems to be that New York is safer (See, advertisers? Nothing to worry about!), but can we just suggest that maybe we gather together in some kind of transatlantic alliance and point a finger towards Los Angeles? Or Dallas, maybe? After all, we've both already given at the office.

More details on the major podcasting-video venture from Jason Calacanis and Mark Cuban. In addition to the much-discussed Los Angeles studio space, rumor has it there will also be a New York franchise, run in partnership with an as yet unnamed media entity. This location would allow for block closings and live concerts, recorded for release both on Cuban's HDNet and (at lower quality) other online venues. The sets will be constructed around built-in advertising as a way to defray production costs and allow for free distribution under the auspices of Creative Commons. Looking forward to that first off-the-hook podcast block party.

If you're reading this, you're probably at work today, so you don't need any more confirmation that your job sucks. But you can always stand a cruise through Information Week's gallery depicting Google's New York headquarters and accompanying article. Balls, easy chairs, massages, scooters, free food, it's all there. No sign of Google's co-option of the Luther Burger, a fine Southern gustatory tradition that places a bacon burger between two Krispy Kreme donut halves. And if you're still not septic with jealousy, back at Palo Alto, that "Can Google Hear Me" guy will probably make shitloads of money very soon. Happy hour still loves you though.

So we guess there's some sort of election tomorrow or something. Ben Smith notes this mailout from the state G.O.P. to voters in the 19th Congressional district. The message here is a pretty subtle one, but we've subjected it to a close read, and here's what we think they're trying to say: "Yes, things are grim in Iraq, spending is out of control, Congress has failed to provide any oversight of a reckless executive branch that mislead us into war, an entrenched Republican majority has become so hopelessly corrupt that, apart from the guys who are actually going to jail, even strangling a mistress isn't viewed as a bar to re-election, sure, we'll give you that. But vote for the Democrats and a black dude will rape your woman."

Not only has AdAge crowned Vogue Editor Anna Wintour the Magazine Editor of the Year, they've put together a list/chart of "The A List," their top ten books for 2006. You can download it here. It gives a nice perspective on where the industry is going: More, the magazine of the year, is lauded for its pursuit of women whose best eggs are behind them. Rapidly-rising In Touch Weekly just cracks the top ten, coming in four slots below People. New York magazine is at number four, and AdAge declares it "a title that should be read around the country." It's true: How else will folks in Hamtramck learn to assemble a Malcolm Gladwell Halloween costume?

At the risk of stepping on the toes of both Deadspin and Idolator, we follow up the Fabolous shooting on Tuesday morning. What seemed like your typical New York-rapper-gets-shot story has taken a turn for the curious.

Gawker contributor copyranter sent us this photo of a new Steve Madden billboard, and our initial thought was, "Hey Steve, you realize those girls walking around Queens Plaza aren't part of some real life 'Derelicte' campaign, don't you?". But as it turns out, Queens is the birthplace of the Steve Madden brand and, according to Madden, "the new New York" (not that this helps explain the Long Island City reference in any way).

• Intrigue! (Bob Woodward makes a rare appearance in New York.) Scandal! (Secret goverment documents are unveiled.) Success! (State of Denial: Bush at War, Part III is now No. 1 on the Times Best Seller list.) Religion! (Simon & Schuster executives pray Jared Paul Stern has the same fate.) [92nd St Y]
  

• Thanks to Madonna, a Malawian boy can now look forward to a life of bad food, gloomy weather and falling short in international sporting contests. Hope he enjoys the in-flight champagne and prawns. [Guardian]
  

Today, New York magazine's website launches its long-awaited Daily Intelligencer, their catch-all front page blog edited by Gawker alum Jesse Oxfeld. It's what you'd expect of a blog: succinct recaps of Times, metro goings-on, word of a hairdresser's secret race car hobby. Not that there's anything wrong with that! But we'd like to focus more on the timing of Oxfeld's new venture, the debut of which falls squarely in the midst of Sukkot. Sukkot commemorates the forty-year period during which the children of Israel were wandering in the desert, living in temporary shelters, following their exodus from Egypt. Is it any coincidence that Oxfeld rejoices/blogs on this day? Mazel tov, indeed.

One would assume just from the blog's name that "Midtown Lunch" is entirely empty, like those blank-paged books entitled "German Humor." Yet the ML blogger makes a good-faith attempt to locate and even consume lunch in midtown Manhattan, whereas most midtown dwellers are content with their rations of soup, salad, and shit on a shingle. And even though the blogger cheerfully admits that midtown is a culinary wasteland, he nevertheless embarks on hellish excursions like "Falafel Week." Which is immediately followed by "Constipation Weekend."