Generally, an attachment called "fun.doc" is probably a computer-crippling virus. Sometimes, though, it is much, much worse. Take the case of the document Gawker received yesterday, featuring a packed, "fun"-filled itinerary for a New York weekend sent from a local to friends visiting from noted no-account flyover one-horse town "Boston, Massachusetts." It is, perhaps, a perfect, itemized tour through the 7 circles of New York tourist hell, and while we can't recreate the original's wacky fonts, we can reprint the gruesome details.

Names redacted to protect the innocent visitors.

Ah, a weekend in New York! It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience for many, especially those from far-flung New England, so naturally you want to fit in as much sight-seeing as you can. It's best, when planning a weekend, to ensure that ever single minute of every day is accounted for. Exclamation points are also key.

  • I live at XX Street. That's XX street between XX and XX. Zip code is 10023 for www.weather.com and www.MapQuest.com .
  • There is typically parking on my street. If not, there is a parking lot next to my building that does parking by the day. I want to say it's under $15. I can find out for sure if that interests you.
  • I've added the expenses of the events so you can plan ahead a bit.
  • We'll most likely be taking cabs at night, but since there will be 4 or 5 of us in a cab, split will be $5 each TOPS
  • if you buy a $7 unlimited Metro Card day pass each, that will be sufficient to get us all around NYC each day!
  • *please bring your own bathroom towels, I don't have any extras*
  • pack as little as possible, there is NOT a lot of space!
  • [Redacted] mentioned buying cases of Trader Joe's wine. That's a good idea! Otherwise, there is a liquor store and grocery store literally out my door. Feel free to bring any snacks or food if you'd like. My fridge is never stocked full.
  • I'm hunting for an air mattress- ask around to see if someone has one
  • I have a futon that sleeps two, floor space for an air mattress for two, and one in my bed
  • I have plenty of pillows, sheets, and blankets, so don't bring more than you need to!
  • We'll be walking a lot, so make sure you bring comfy shoes
  • If you have your ipods, bring those b/c I have a sweet ipod player
  • Christmas CDs welcome!!!!!
  • Don't forget your cameras! There will be lots to document J

Thursday, Dec 6th
You guys will be arriving late, so we can just play this by ear, but most likely get settled and call it an early night to be up in the morning! Food will be available to order or go out to grab.

Friday, Dec 7th
8am: NBC's Today show (we have to make a good sign) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032633

10am: Rockefeller Christmas Tree http://www.rockefellercenter.com/home.html

11am: Brunch at Alice 's Tea-Cup - I am not able to make reservations, but it's always busy, so expect to wait in line for a while http://www.alicesteacup.com/

1230pm: FAO Schwartz to play the big piano http://www.fao.com/custsvc/custsvc.jsp?sectionId=117

2pm: 5th avenue window shopping to see all the window displays http://www.nyctourist.com/shopping_fifthave.htm

6pm: Dinner- open to cooking, ordering in http://www.menupages.com

7pm-9pm: Drink, get ready, drink

945pm Comedy show at the Comedy Cellar in the village http://www.comedycellar.com/hom.shtml

note I made this reservation, we have to be early, and there is a $15 cover and 2 drink minimum

1130pm: Go out in the west village. Off the Wagon http://www.nycbestbar.com/off/ is one of the good ones down there. There are PLENTY of fun bars in the west village!

Saturday, Dec 8th
12pm: Macy's Santaland ( I knowww him!!) http://search.cityguide.aol.com/newyork/entertainment/macys-santa-land/e-1769283

2pm: Lunch - we can play this by ear depending on $$ and time

330pm: Ice Skating in Central Park- it's $12 plus $5 to rent skates http://www.centralpark.com/pages/attractions/wollman-rink.html

530pm: Shopping on Canal Street http://www.nyctourist.com/CanalSt1.htm

7pm: Home to recuperate and get ready for the night (there will be no need pregame as we'll be drinking plenty at dinner)

9pm: Dinner/lots of sake bombing at Sounkyo Sushi - this place is amazinggg. It's all you can drink beer and sake for 2 hours, and all you can eat sushi (you don't have to do all you can eat). It's SO cheap, $15 for all you can drink + food and tip for me ends up being $35-$40 total. It is always packed and funnn. I never spend a single dollar after I leave b/c you drink a LOT. http://menupages.com/restaurantdetails.asp?areaid=0&restaurantid=5950&neighborhoodid=0&cuisineid=62

11pm: Out. We can go to Banc first http://www.banccafe.com/ (there's always hot guys and good music.. no need to worry about price of drinks b/c we'll be a mess after dinner) and then Barna to DANCE! http://www.barnarestaurant.com/ .

Sunday, Dec 9th
1pm: Lunch at Café Lalo - we can play this by ear, depending when you're leaving etc. http://www.cafelalo.com/

Hope this sounds good to you!! Let me know if you have any suggestions or changes.

-XXX OOO [Redacted]