Hood locator and father of 12 (!) DMX began a six-month stint in jail on Tuesday after failing to pay $400,000 worth of child support, WIVB reports.

According to NBC News, the City of New York has agreed to pay $5.9 million to the family of Eric Garner, who was killed by Staten Island NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo a year ago this week.

On Friday, in a deal with the State Senate’s Republican majority, Governor Andrew Cuomo (alignment: chaotic evil) agreed to suspend a plan requiring background checks on ammunition sales. This would seem to undermine at least in part the signature gun control measures he passed in his first term as governor.

A figure caught my eye as I passed through one of the supposedly haunted rooms of the supposedly very haunted Merchant’s House Museum in NoHo last week. I gasped, a reflex that was embarrassing even though I was ostensibly alone. “Ah!,” I thought—“Was that a ghost?”

Manhattan eatery Per Se—named the best restaurant in the city by The New York Times and the third most expensive restaurant in the world by The Daily Meal—has agreed to pay waitstaff $500,000 for allegedly withholding money from workers that a “reasonable patron” would consider to be tips, Reuters reports.

New York in the summer: a place where people go to eat food, buy things, and do shit. Any number of websites will tell you how to achieve maximum fun potential from June to September, squeezing apple juice from the Statue of Liberty until the well has run dry. Why not let me explayn it to you instead?

A New York woman was charged with child endangerment on Tuesday after alleged leaving her 4-year-old son tied to a bush unattended while she babysat other children in their building, WCBS-TV reports.

The fallout from Richard Matt and David Sweat’s historic prison escape continued Tuesday morning, when the New York State Department of Corrections announced that a dozen correctional officers and prison executives at Clinton Correctional facility have been placed on leave.

Last week, a new bar and restaurant in Ridgewood, Queens called Nowadays opened to fawning press. New York’s Grub Street said it “aims to be your backyard hangout for the whole summer.” Gothamist, meanwhile, said it “looks like a summertime paradise,” which is true if you imagined paradise is located directly next to a radioactive waste site.

How does 2 Bros Pizza—the popular New York hot-cheese-n-crust-for-just-a-buck joint—keep its prices so nice? By underpaying its employees and working them to the bone, according to a new lawsuit.

On Wednesday, authorities announced that big-dicked killer Richard Matt and his accomplice David Sweat (a killer whose dick is of indeterminate size) may have penetrated the border into Vermont, CNN reports.

We know Richard Matt is a convicted killer on the loose. We know, thanks to my colleague Jordan Sargent, that “Matt is very handsome and, in all frankness, very well endowed.” Now we also know that Matt, for some weird reason, has this massive Marine Corps tattoo, even though the Marines say he never served.

The Hampton Jitney is a private bus line that takes well-off New York City residents from the city to the Long Island towns where well-off New York City residents enjoy spending summer weekends. Lately, some of those buses have experienced delays. One can only imagine the effect sitting in traffic must have on the already enervating class anxiety felt by Jitney riders who cannot, as their betters do, charter weekly helicopters.

A construction crane in Midtown Manhattan dropped a colossal air conditioning unit onto Madison Avenue on Sunday, shearing the side of an office building and injuring 10 people, The Wall Street Journal reports.

It’s getting warmer out, which means that America’s Most Expensive Garbage Islands are about to become America’s Most Expensive Visibly Rotting Garbage Islands (Because They’re Covered in Disgusting Cockroaches). Are you ready, New York City?

An African-American family living in Lindenhurst, New York was sent an anonymous letter this week urging them to leave the village and move to a place “where there are more people like you,” WPIX reports.

Hey, did you recently throw nine animal (maybe dog) brains off a moving train? If so, please return to Gouverneur, New York, which has your maybe dog brains, The NY Daily News reports.

According to CBS News, the National September 11 Memorial & Museum was briefly evacuated on Sunday after multiple visitors called police to report chemical fumes. Authorities say the odor was caused by an excess of cleaning agents used in the memorial’s reflecting pools.

A shift supervisor at a Starbucks in Elmhurst, Queens reportedly quit her job this week after footage of her unhinged, cookie straw-related rant went viral, PIX11 reports.

On Monday night, a man hit two women over the head with a hammer in separate attacks near Union Square, WNBC reports. According to police, the suspect has not been apprehended.