An upstate New York couple have been charged with beating their 19-year-old son to death inside the Word of Life Church in New Hartford, New York, the Associated Press reports. Four other members of the church have been charged with assault.

The so-called “cool” pope has done an extremely uncool thing this week and timed his first-ever visit to New York with the launch of Apple’s newest phone, which is now delayed.

Rats rarely bring us joy, so let’s take the opportunity to cherish this wonderful video of a little cheesehound dragging a slice of pizza down the steps of the First Avenue L station in Manhattan.

For New York City’s most frequently jailed people, the cycle probably goes something like this: You’re homeless, or mentally ill, or addicted to drugs. Maybe all three. Those three factors are so tightly wound together that it’s difficult to tell the causes from the effects. You get picked up for sleeping on the street, and police find a crack rock in your pocket, so you go to jail. A little while later, you get out, and a little while after that, you get picked up again. Back to jail it is.

Responding to widespread condemnation of the NYPD officer who wrongly tackled tennis star James Blake last week, Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association President Patrick Lynch sent a blistering letter to reporters on Tuesday characterizing their criticism as “irresponsible, unjust and un-American.”

On Monday, a grand jury recommended criminal charges against 37 former members of Baruch College’s Pi Delta Psi fraternity over a freshman pledge’s 2013 hazing death, including third-degree murder charges against five of the brothers and the fraternity itself, WCBS-TV reports.

That attractive graphic up there represents a plan put forth by a group of liberty lovers who’d like to see New York state split into two “autonomous regions”: New York, below, composed of the city plus Long Island and Westchester and Rockland Counties, and New Amsterdam, above, composed of everything else. If that sounds appealing to you, you can attend their rally on Sunday.

New York governor and unblinking humanoid statue Andrew Cuomo is currently trying to lure GE’s corporate headquarters back to New York—the same state that GE polluted the hell out of last time it was here. Huzzah!

A professed Ku Klux Klansman became the first American to be convicted of federal radiation weapon charges on Friday when a jury found him guilty of plotting to kill Muslims with a modified X-ray machine, The Guardian reports.

Three workers were injured, one critically, on Thursday when a gas explosion damaged at least three floors of New York City’s John F. Kennedy High School, WLNY-TV reports.

A New York police sergeant accused of having sex with a 15-year-old girl he met online has committed suicide, The New York Times reports.

NBC New York reports that 12 people have now died and 113 have been sickened in the largest outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in the city’s history. Mayor de Blasio said that no new cases of the illness have been reported since August 3, which he called “a very promising sign.”

Citing anonymous sources, WCBS-TV reports that rapper Busta Rhymes was arrested for assault Wednesday night in connection with an alleged protein shake-throwing incident at a New York City gym.

NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton wants to put you in jail and make sure you stay there. Well, only if you’re a bad guy. Good guys—you’re OK. No worries. Bad guys—get your naughty butts to the slammer.

The New York Times reports that seven people have now died and 86 have been sickened by a recent outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in the South Bronx. At a press conference on Tuesday, Mayor de Blasio promised to introduce legislation designed to limit future outbreaks.

The corner bodega is the latest victim to Manhattan’s ever-ascending cost of living and operating an independent business, having been supplanted in some cases by chain supermarkets and pharmacies. That means even more premade Duane Reade bacon egg and cheese sandwiches for you, you filthy animal.

Four people have died and dozens more have been sickened by a recent outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in New York City, CNN reports.

Television director Jason “Jace” Alexander—not to be confused with Seinfeld star Jason Alexander—was arrested in New York on Wednesday on child pornography charges, CBS New York reports.

A New York man was arrested on Friday after allegedly driving around an ice cream truck in his underwear while intoxicated and yelling at children, WIVB reports.

On Saturday, a former high school resource officer who allegedly had sexual relations with teen students was arrested in New York, WRGB reports.