In the 1990s, if you went to The Limelight and asked a cigarette girl for a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity, he'd hand you a vial of primo meth. Try it in 2012, and you'll get a plate of flapjacks.

NYC's once-burgeoning comedy scene is fleeing for the West Coast. Splitsider has a roundtable discussion with key members of the exodus: "LA is the AIDS of the NYC comedy scene. One day, LA would just take a friend of yours."

Hopefully you've by now found some practical use for Gawker's Handy Guide to New York City's 1%, i.e. our magnate magnet, but in case it's been a late day at the office, fret not: Occupy Wall Street forces successfully mobilized today, targeting the Upper East Side homes of five of the city's top fat cats: News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch, conservative billionaire industrialist David Koch, real estate developer Howard Milstein, JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon and hedge fund manager John Paulson. All of them stand to save billions come December, when a state tax on millionaires is set to expire.

New York City's subway system has been home to naked racists, naked bathers and vicious brawls. So what's next? How about the incredibly foolish guy who was filmed clinging on for dear life while riding the J train on the outside? Oh, yes. That's what it's come to. [via Village Voice]

It took a whole fleet of NYPD officers, both uniformed and in plainclothes, to take down just a handful of young women at the 125th St 2/3 subway station on Friday night. Between the bumbling cops and the screeching girls, no one here ends up looking good.

The rumors were true: Doltish conservative stuntman James O'Keefe was hanging out at Occupy Wall Street today. No doubt he was dreaming up another hilarious sex imprisonment fantasy prank that proves liberals suck. We've got video.

Kanye West was spotted down at Occupy Wall Street today. In a bold display of solidarity with the 99% it seems he downgraded his diamond teeth to gold ones for the day. [via SallyPancakes]

According multiple reports on Twitter, overgrown College Republican James O'Keefe is at Occupy Wall Street, filming one of his political make-em-up videos. Come on, James, this is so predictable. [Updates below]

The wonderfully titled MrPotatoHeadNews was biking home last night across the Manhattan Bridge when he stumbled upon this man jumping rope nude on the bridge. Why would someone do something so, ahem, nuts?

Of all the arguments Occupy Wall Street critics' deploy, the most entertaining is the issue of public health and sanitation at the protests' headquarters. As they tell it, the protests are a steaming pile of human excrement, used condoms and sinfully bare breasts.

The Queens DA office announced today that more than 100 people have been busted in a massive identity theft ring. The defendants are charged with stealing more than $13 million over 16 months, starting in 2010.

Everyone's going on and on, trying to figure out Occupy Wall Street protesters want. New York Mayor Bloomberg has finally figured it out: They want to "destroy the jobs of working people."

Today in Understandable Although Not Technically Excusable Crimes: Paul Collen, 42, punched a 79 year-old man and knocked him through a plate glass window at a hotel bar "after complaining about the older man's karaoke singing."

Feeling a little jumpy around the NYPD lately? Worried they might use their new surface-to-air missile technology to take out a mouthy Gossip Girl star? Well, fret not. Only Mayor Bloomberg could make the final call for an air strike.

The misinformation dissemination league known as the National Organization for Marriage has made three asinine movies from New York town clerks who quit their jobs rather than issue same-sex marriage licenses after the state legislature made them legal this July. Now they're claiming it's "persecution."

New York Observer reporter Nate Freeman got the shit kicked out of him last week, then wrote a florid essay about it, in the Observer's signature first-person plural editorial voice:

Today, President Obama was asked today what he thought of Gossip Girl star Penn Badgley (oh, and thousands of others) marching against corporate greed and economic inequality at the Occupy Wall Street protests. He thinks they are "expressing their frustrations."

The Occupy Wall Street march appears to be winding down—our coverage from the scene is here—but if you're interested in seeing what you missed today as thousands converged on Manhattan's Financial District and turned the area into a giant mess, here are some photos from the march.

Today's big Occupy Wall Street march is underway. Gawker's Adrian Chen is reporting live from the scene and taking pictures.

Today at 3pm, Occupy Wall Street protesters will march from New York City Hall to the Financial District, along with members of scores of labor unions and other organizations. The question on everyone's mind: Will this be a repeat of last Saturday's dramatic "Battle of Brooklyn Bridge?"