Great news from the official top paper of historical world record, import, & fame, &c., the New York Times: former executive editor Bill Keller won't use "illegals" to refer to illegal immigrants in his profound-ish columns! What's the big deal? Perhaps that he was using it left and right in his column the other day and everyone got mad at him for this? Indeed, it is so.

In the past, we have used this space to mock new New York Times columnist Frank Bruni for starting out poorly, then getting progressively, unbelievably worse. He seems to lack any convictions at all, let alone interesting ones; though he's only been on the job for half a year, he's already been reduced to padding his column with excruciatingly boring stories from his own life, due to his apparent dearth of worthwhile ideas about important issues.

Videogum's Gabe Delahaye asks some very reasonable questions about the choices made by the editors of T: The New York Times Style Magazine with regards to their most recent cover, featuring "grungy antihero" Viggo Mortensen:

The holidays are almost upon us, which means it's time for you to take a careful look at your neighbor and report any and all suspicious activity to your immediate supervisor. At least it is at the New York Times, which just sent a memo to all staffers urging them snitch on any co-worker who may have engaged in any "potential ethical or legal violations." IF YOU SEE SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING. David Pogue, your ears are burning! Memo after the jump.

Oh, look: The New York Times has profiled several well-pedigreed, intelligent and pretentious 20-somethings in today's Style section under the title "New York's Literary Cubs." What an excellent reminder to never talk to a Style section reporter!

In this wild "new media" world, it's important for all of us—respectable newspapers and parasitic oxpeckers alike—to share freely, in a spirit of holiday cheer. So we were happy to see this morning that the New York Times has decided to borrow our commenting system. It's really the least we can do for you guys!

Earlier this year, New York times photographer Lynsey Addario was kidnapped in Libya while covering that nation's revolution. That sucks. Shortly after being freed, she was shut out at the National Magazine Awards. That sucks. And last month, she was strip searched by Israeli soldiers—while pregnant! Shitty year, all around!

The eagle-eyed New York Times has noticed the curious planking fad, just seven months after everyone else did. The annoying internet trend of newspaper articles about planking just won't go away.

For this week's "What I Wore" personal style column, the New York Times features Park Avenue socialite Muffie Potter Aston, whose life is exactly as you'd guess it would be, based on her name.

Congratulations to New York Times dining editor Pete Wells, who was just named as the paper's new restaurant critic. Here are some pictures of him, in case anyone is curious what he looks like. For some reason, the Times has been scrubbing images of him from the site.

In your overcast Tuesday media column: new faces at the CBS Early Show, Native American journalists are broke, UK editorial staffs decline, a New York Times fashion app, and Conde Nast launches its own ad network.

In your manic Monday media column: Hackgate grows marginally dirtier, journalism majors make dat money, Malcolm Gladwell on Steve Jobs, the media lies, and Martin Nisenholtz retires.

Frank Bruni is nice clean-cut fella and a talented writer who was a good restaurant critic but good lord in heaven is he a dispensable columnist. It's as if moving onto the opinion pages has magically rendered this once-capable journalist into a trite hack!

The New York Times Style Section—where "Cool" lives!—has a 1,000 word story today about an unremarkable church in Brooklyn. What's that about? Oh—it's a "hipster" church. Allow the NYT to prove it!

Everyone knows that people in America's Northeast, Northwest, and Southwest regions are sociopaths with no regard for others. We don't even need to mention that widely accepted fact. Everyone also knows that the final haven of "manners" here in our nation of animals is the Southeast region, where people still say "Yes ma'am" and shit like that, no matter how corny it sounds, because they love Jesus—and manners.

The mighty, omniscient "journalistic tone" is largely a convenient myth. Newspapers and other media outlets long adopted this self-assured institutional writing style which admitted no doubt as a way to appear more knowledgeable than they really were. The internet, with its radical transparency and focus on personality, has eaten away at this obfuscating tone. Which is good. Sometimes.

Lisa Belkin used to write a parenting blog called Motherlode for the New York Times. Earlier this month, she was hired by the Huffington Post. Now, she finally gets to spread her wings and allow her creativity to flourish.

In her New York Times Sunday Book Review critique of the hottest book on the planet, Walter Issacson's 630-page biography, Steve Jobs, Janet Maslin quotes a passage in which the author extolls the triumph that is the iPad, as well as the tens of thousands of apps that can run on it. "One that he mentions," Maslin writes, "which will be as quaint as 'Pong' some day, features the use of a slingshot to shoot down angry birds."

In your finally Friday media column: News Corp's annual spanking ensues, The Chicago Tribune's poor, the NYT's modest digital growth, cable news loves the gays, a Tim Hetherington exhibit, and I tell you which boxing blog to read.

In your tragic Thursday media column: more info on the companywide layoffs at Village Voice Media, the NYT Co. makes money, a Washington Post heiress has a bright idea, The Economist screws up, and newspaper layoffs are back.