In your trenchant Tuesday media column: Fox Business Network exists for a reason, the NYT expands its online opinion section, Fortune gets theme-y, Politico guy hates the Twitter, and Michael Wolff, explained.

In your mandatory Monday media column: Michael Wolff is out for good, Tweet man stops tweeting to write about Twitter, McDonald's launches its own network, a PR man jokes for accuracy, and the NYT's paywall is a success.

Jill Abramson, the first female editor of the New York Times, is a capable journalist, a veteran editorial manager, and a crazy dog person. Guess which characteristic will be most important?

Let's say you're a woman who's worked hard, climbed the ladder, and risen to the very pinnacle of your profession—a historic achievement. You're taken seriously as a writer, a thinker, and a boss; you alone have the power to set the agenda for how many of our most important issues are covered by the national and international media. You have made it. Why—hypothetically speaking—would you not shut up about your stupid dog?

The following email just went out to New York Times newsroom staffers. These are the first buyout offers the paper's put out since the real depths of the recession in 2009. "Voluntary," yes. But not a good sign.

The title of bumbling self-parody Tom Friedman's column today is "There's Something Happening Here," which is a little misleading. Yes, there is something happening; of that, Tom Friedman is certain. But if you came looking for what is happening, you'll be disappointed.

Today we heard that the New York Times' ethics guy Phil Corbett had to send out a memo reminding employees that they have strict rules about paid speaking engagements. These fools just can't remember the rules! So one commenter wrote a memo that ought to help.

In your brash Tuesday media column: News Corp gets its balls back, the WSJ gets shorter and shorter, Katie Couric picks up odd jobs, Mary Pilon poached, and blog buys newspaper.

New York Times ethics cop Phil Corbett just sent out the following memo to the newsroom, reminding them about the paper's rules for paid speaking engagements. (Thomas Friedman, among others, has had trouble with this in the past.) An NYT source says "they don't send these reminders out unless someone breaks the rules or screws up." So who was it? Email me if you know.

It hasn't even been a month since Netflix announced it was renaming its DVD-by-mail services Qwikster, and yet the company has already decided to shit-can the whole plan. Aw! Splitting into two companies and confusing everyone seemed like such a good idea.

In your majestic Tuesday media column: Justin Rocket Silverman strikes a pose, Michael Wolff is still alive, the WSJ is doing fantastic, Robert Mackey boomerangs back to the NYT, and Dealbook hires some kid.

For TechCrunch's MG Siegler, temptation came from the clubby world of venture capital. For the New York Times' Nick Bilton, the lure was in the blindingly lit studios of a TV network. The writers made different choices—one took the money, the other turned it down—but the scope of their offers alone is the sign of a world gone mad.

Half a year has passed since we pointed out the obvious: the New York Times has a columnist problem. (The columnists are bad, is the problem). The paper's made major editorial changes in the intervening six months. So has the columnist problem been solved? Not a bit.

With falling stock prices, debit-card users flipping out about the company's plan to steal $5 from them every month, and a brand-new lawsuit on their hot little hands, the devil worshipers at Bank of America aren't too thrilled about reporters talking to their customers right now. But journalists must report on the news, and so the Arkansas correspondent for the New York Times stopped by a branch in Fayetteville to get some customer feedback on the bank's latest thieving scheme. B of A did not appreciate that very much.

In your mordant Friday media column: Judith Miller critiques someone else's journalism, the Occupy Wall Street Journal is coming, the NYO begs for a raise, Slate redesigns, and Jill Abramson wants questions from you.

In your vivacious Wednesday media column: important media person loves puppies, a publisher's going to jail, NBC News decides to stand for something, Bloomberg View's editor is out, an NYT writer goes to HuffPo, and how to be a dick.

Untalented but successful writer Thomas Friedman has been doing a lot of thinking lately. "I like golf," he thinks to himself, while sitting in his palatial mansion. Then he realizes his next column is due in an hour. "Manservant!" he cries. "Bring me a metaphor! Any metaphor!"

In your provocative Tuesday media column: the NYT's new Big City columnist gives us hope, Ted Turner vs. Rupert Murdoch, Utah newspaper standards war, the internet won't be free forever, and Cenk Uygur to Current TV.

Now that Wikileaks has been forced by circumstance to release the full, unredacted archive of its 250,000-plus classified diplomatic cables, we can see what the New York Times voluntarily redacted, at the request of the State Department, from the cables that it published. Among the things it hid: Muammar Qaddafi has a bisexual son, and a Reuters correspondent is a source for State Department intelligence.

In your grudging Friday media column: Jill Abramson is complacent, the WaPo and the Daily Mail bitch at one another, investigative reporters take a hit, job changes at Conde Nast, and Reuters is ambitious.