The ever-irrepressible scamps at TMZ.com finally put their irrepressibility to good use and got their hands on the criminal complaint filed against Page Six editor Richard Johnson. At 12:01 a.m. this morning, in front of 425 West 14th Street, according to the complaint, Johnson was at the wheel of his Ford Escape with his keys in the ignition and engine running when NYPD Officer Robert Gluck says he was "intoxicated in that the defendant had watery and bloodshot eyes, had slightly slurred speech and had the odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath." Why this resort of an anecdotal description of his drunkenness? Because RJ, the report says, refused to take a Breathalyzer.

We've yet to confirm anything, but our BFF Perez is reporting that Page Six editor Richard Johnson was arrested last night for drunk driving. On our end, we know that he was holding court at Soho House around 11 PM, but we didn't notice any more slurring than you'd expect of someone in that godforsaken place. Though he was waving around car keys and singing Leader of the Pack at the top of his lungs. So maybe...

You know how every now and then the Post or the News or even the Journal or the Times is being given away for free somewhere in our fair city, usually in a sponsored-copies promotion? Well, today, apparently, nearly everything's free. Reports a correspondent:

Having not been the subject of any of his tempramental emails, the Observer was thus not banned from former Page Six reporter Ian Spiegelman's party for his new novel, Welcome to Yesterday. And good thing, or we'd never gain such insight into the mind of a literary talent. Some of Spiegelman's quotables:

In addition to reminding us that Mort Zuckerman isn't happy with his portrayal in the forthcoming memoir from the billionaire publisher's former Daily News editor, Ed Kosner, Post media man Keith Kelly relishes the opportunity to point out errors in Kosner's recollection of life at the Post's crosstown rival. For example, Kelly writes,

Would it be Page Six without entirely gratuitous drama? Of course not. Jossip is reporting that former Sixer Ian Spiegelman, who is being feted tonight for his newly released novel, Welcome to Yesterday, managed to get his old colleagues banned from attending the party. How did he allegedly do this? It's complicated; follow closely. Spiegelman gave an interview for Simon Dumenco's Monday Ad Age column, and apparently he subsequently came to believe that Post editor Col Allan was miffed over some of the things he said. (It's unclear whether any actual miffage had occurred.) So Spiegelman sent Allan an aggressively defensive email, sort of apologizing for the misunderstanding but mostly not.

• Ohmahgah, the NEW APPLE STORE WILL OPEN TOMORROW THANK YOU LORD STEVE! Curbed has a sneak peek inside the new 5th Avenue cube, and reportedly the cult leader himself will be present when the store opens. Now wipe that drool off your face and work on losing your virginity. [Apple Insider]
• The Daily Mirror reports that Brangelina have already cut a deal for their forthcoming baby, reportedly to the tune of $4.9 million, all to go to UNICEF. Assuming, for once, that the UK press isn't on crack, we're thinking People won this one. [LSE]
• Lindsay is Biggie, Paris is Tupac, Nicole is Diddy, Mary-Kate is Snoop Dogg...this could go on forever. [BWE]
• State Senator Ada Smith pretends she's Tony Soprano. [The Daily Politics]
• Off the blow (we think), Jay McInerney now has his appetite back. Watch him blog about it, then recoil in horror at his use of "Babbolicious." [H&G]
• ThursGay Styles does it again. [NYT]
• Yesterday we'd thought about making a Heather Mills/missing limb joke, but bit our tongues. It's reassuring to see that the Post, on the other hand, did not. [NYP]
• 10 Things I Hate About Commandments. [You Tube]
• Naomi Campbell takes her abusive parade to Dubai (hey, Vanity Fair said it was hot) for her birthday. She's supposedly rented 18 floors of the Burj al Arab hotel, and she'll be throwing shit on every single one of them. [Made in Brazil]

From "Mort Bids for Philly Papers," by Janet Whitman, in today's Post:

• In latest stats, newspaper circ is — of course — down. One exception: The mighty NYT. Yay. Elsewhere in town, the Post-News gap narrows, as Rupe's tab loses fewer readers than Mort's. [E&P]
• Bauer to sell Life & Style and In Touch for only a quarter in two weeks. Hey, it worked for the Post. [Ad Age]
• The Forbes family seeks outside investors for European expansion. Being filthy rich apparently ain't what it used to be. [NYT]
• The Times new Weddings/Celebrations videos: Appalling, addictive slideshows. [Slate]
• Kaavya ain't the only plagiarizer out there. [NYM]
• Michael Jackson is mad at GQ, which made fun of him. [BBC]

American's most powerful corrupt gossip column today passes along the moving tale of a celebrity couple supporting each other's projects:

And for some reason we'd always assumed he'd have an impressive package. Must be the 'roids.

• Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan gets spanked for plagiarizing her debut novel. Little, Brown enters shame spiral for having given an underage hack a two book, $500K deal — they cope by pulling her bestseller from the shelves.
• People names its "beautiful people" and is rumored to have shelled out some $700K for access to the Brangelina.
• As Rolling Stone's 1,000th issue party draws near, some Wenner proles lament their lack of invites. At least RS staffers scored the golden tickets.
• Rosie O'Donnell is slated to replace Meredith Vieira on The View, ensuring that the show is a must-see for those looking for some morning show bloodlust.
• Time's top dog Jim Kelly may be moving on as early as June. Oh, Santa, please don't go.
• In other speculative job changes, is Lloyd Grove considering ditching the Daily News for the Post and Page Six?
• Thank God it's spring — media softball is back, and just as mandatory as ever.
• You can see Anderson Cooper's memoir, but they'll have to kill you afterwards.
• Gawker mascot Andrew Krucoff gets a new job at the 92nd Street Y, meaning that our consciences may finally rest. For now, anyhow.
• If there's one sort of error from the Post that we can never, ever forgive, it's misreporting the size of Bill Clinton's penis. This is America, people — knowing presidential cock is like knowing the Pledge of Allegiance.

In wake of Tuesday's speculation from WWD's Jeff "Big Man" Bercovici that Lowdown Lloyd Grove could be headed crosstown, to the archrival Post, once his Daily News contract expires in September, it seems worth calling some attention to the above photo, of Lloyd and theoretical nemesis Richard Johnson looking rather pally at Vanity Fair's Tribeca Film Festival party, held the night after the Women's Wear item appeared.

The Daily News has a pretty run-of-the-mill feature story today on the perils of interoffice romance. (It's pegged to that burning issue keeping American up at night: How will Josh and Donna reveal their new romance to the rest of The West Wing?) But we admit the story's lede piqued our interest:

According to some emails we've been forwarded, it would seem that someone in Beverly Hills has hired a private investigator to look into Page Six and, in this instance, recently deposed freelancer Fernando Gil:

As are a great deal of our favorite items, this is completely unconfirmed — but we'd like to put it out there anyhow: We're hearing that wildly unpopular and infamously skeezy writer Doug Dechert has lost his column at the New York Press after just one installment. His debut was last week's issue, in which he wrote the cover story about Payola Six and, more specifically, Richard Johnson's wedding. We had found the item at the very least amusing, but it later came to light that Dechert had crashed the wedding (makes sense, as no one in their right mind would want him there), whereas the column read as if he were an invited guest. That might piss off an editor or two.

Well hung, eh? Hmm...

Women's Wear Daily's resident goliath Jeff Bercovici reports that with Grove's contract up in September, many are speculating that Grove may jump to the Post's Page Six. Considering Martin Dunn called Grove a "fucking idiot" in a letter to People managing editor Larry Hackett back in October, one could see how Grove might want to cross over to enemy lines.

There's a little housecleaning over at Page Six today: The News reports that the column has let go of all of its freelance employees, presumably in reaction to the Payola Six scandal. Along with alleged extortionist Jared Paul Stern, freelancers Fernando Gil, Lisa Marsh, and Chris Tennant have been sacked; cutting them loose is editor Col Allan's way of "tightening ship." Brilliant, because they're the real problem, obviously the ones to blame for the column's pay-for-play culture. They may only show up one or two days a week, but you can bet they just poisoned the office with their unethical, part-time presence.

New York Post, March 20, 2006: