Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Three bear cubs had to be rescued by a New Mexico couple and their ladder after getting stuck inside a dumpster in Ruidoso.

Lori Teel of Portales, New Mexico, says she was handcuffed in front of her five young children and made to spend the night in jail because she neglected to pay $36 in library fines for an overdue Twilight book and a Twilight DVD.

The Whitewater-Baldy Complex fire has burned 241,701 acres of the Gila National Forest, making it the largest fire in New Mexico history. It's also been incredibly difficult to fight against, but firefighters are now reporting that it is 17 percent contained.

Daniel Salinas, a mayoral candidate in Sunland Park, N.M., beat out two others in Tuesday night's election despite the fact that he is been banned from City Hall amid a lap-dancing extortion controversy:

On the left: Stephen Slevin in 2005, when he was arrested in New Mexico's Dona Ana County on suspicion of driving under the influence and driving a stolen vehicle (Slevin says the car was lent to him by a friend). On the right: Slevin in 2007, just before he was released after spending nearly all of two years in solitary confinement in the county jail.

Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has dropped out of the Republican presidential race. He rarely ever polled above 8 — people, not percentage points. He made a popular Rush Limbaugh joke about doggie poop during one of the two debates in which he appeared. He took his shirt off for the papers and rode a bike. He courted pagans, online gamblers, and other knaves. And now he will run for the Libertarian party nomination, and maybe decide the presidential election.

Pedobear! You know him as the internet superstar who brings joy to millions as a cuddly harbinger of child predation. But not everyone finds the concept of a pervy virtual Easter Bunny to be utterly delightful. In 2010, the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Department issued a warning claiming that Pedobear had been "adopted as a mascot" by pedophiles. (It was a perfectly logical assumption, seeing as how child molesters have long sought a highly recognizable cartoon symbol to align themselves with, that they might be more readily identified amidst the general population.) Now, the New Mexico Attorney General's Office has made it a top priority to alert parents to the furry, lollipop-wielding menace in our midst.

Unless you're into the tonsured monk look, you should probably avoid pissing off Gabriela Nunez—a 19-year-old bouffant-ed brawler from Las Cruces, New Mexico who allegedly ripped the scalp off another woman during a particularly intense fight. She must have one hell of a hand-gripper exercise regimen.

Laura Chavez, a 60 year-old New Mexican, was drinking and playing a nice game of Monopoly with her grandson and her boyfriend, Clyde "Butch" Smith. When Chavez suspected Smith of cheating, she sent her grandson to bed and proceeded to hit Smith over the head with a bottle and then stabbed him repeatedly with a kitchen knife.

Anwar al-Awlaki—New Mexico native, YouTube star, alleged al Queda recruiter, inspiration to the Times Square bomber, the underwear bomber, and the Fort Hood shooter, jihad brand strategist, and john—is dead now. So are his bodyguards. [Image via ABC]

You know how you get all excited every time you go to the grocery store and there's someone serving up those free samples. That's about to be ruined forever. That's because one guy plead guilty to putting his jizz in a yogurt sample he served to a woman.

So these boys in Las Cruces, New Mexico thought it would be clever to get on their Facebooks and "cyberbully" the Zinsations, a local street dance troupe. It was not clever! Because four of the Zinsations beat the shit out of those bullyboys at McDonald's the other day.

A New Mexico woman wants her local county government to pay the $1,122 hospital bill she received after undergoing a forcible body cavity search, which she did on the orders of her local Metro Narcotics Agency. Why might her position be justified?

To illustrate its coverage on fired New Mexico sex cop Bert Lopez, the UK's Daily Mail uses a picture of a different—and deceased—Burt Lopez. How embarrassing! (Still not as embarrassing as being caught by surveillance cameras sexing ladies while still wearing your police uniform, though.)

The New Mexico State Police officer caught sexing a lady lying on a car has been fired—even though he did nothing illegal. Bert Lopez—a past "officer of the year"—has 30 days to appeal his dismissal.

Here's a local news report that features photos, obtained from a surveillance camera, of a uniformed New Mexico State Police officer using the hood of a car to give one woman a full cavity search, if you catch my drift. The officer in question hasn't been fired as of yet, but he's now the subject of an internal affairs investigation related to his own, uh, internal affair. [KOB]

Hats off to Sunland Park, New Mexico Mayor Martin Resendiz, for making the useless invalids in Washington look vaguely — vaguely — competent in comparison! Because it turns out that Mayor Resendiz only signed those nine contracts with the company that is now suing his city for seven figures because he was really, really drunk.

The mysterious man imprisoned in Utah County jail for a month while refusing to reveal his identity has finally been identified. As God. Kidding! Actually, it's Philip Todd Beavers, 61, of Farmington, N.M., who lost his job in late June.

Citizens of Las Cruces, NM and protectors of decency everywhere are outraged after a photo surfaced in which Chuck E. Cheese, known mouse pizza mascot, appeared to be giving "The Finger" while posing for a photo with a 4-year-old boy.