Yesterday we marveled at a photograph of a goat with a red fanny pack around its neck, standing on its hind legs at a Midtown pizzeria, dining with two humans. We decided to call it The Amazing Pizza Goat of New York, but we knew nothing more.

A New Jersey state senator went on a "self-appointed undercover mission" as a homeless man earlier this week, to spotlight what he views as discrimination against single men and those with mental health issues seeking shelter.

After Hoboken banned Jersey Shore stars Snooki and JWOWW from filming their spin-off series there, they finally found a home: Jersey City. And they're going to be living in an old fire house.

The residents of Bayonne, New Jersey are unusually fond of their old school parking meters — or so they discovered after city officials installed parking pay stations in lieu of the coin meters in hopes of being able to fit more cars on the street. The problem? The stations require vehicle owners to walk an additional couple of yards in order to pay. This simply will not do:

The city of Hoboken, New Jersey, has denied a request for a proposed MTV Jersey Shore spinoff starring the show's boozy Lucy and Ethel JWOWW and Snooki. Damn, no one in New Jersey wants these two.

Atlantic City: the biggest shithole on the East Coast, where blocks of open-air crack markets immediately give way to cut-rate seedy casinos full of doomed and hopeless poverty-level day trippers in a geographic continuum of vice and despair unequaled anywhere in its chemical spill-laden state of New Jersey. Now it's easier to have your wedding there. Alert your spouse-to-be.

Five people and a dog were killed around 10 a.m. today when a small plane crashed on I-287 outside of Morris Township in New Jersey. The single-engine turbo-prop plane, which was piloted by a managing director of the investment bank Greenhill & Co., and carrying his wife, two children, and a coworker, had taken off from Teterboro Airport and was headed for Atlanta when it disappeared from radar. The Newark Star-Ledger writes that it "appeared to nosedive and disintegrate"; although no one on the ground died, the debris was strewn across a half-mile area and the wreckage was horrifying:

Thousands of Verizon customers across New Jersey received a terrifying text at 12:26 p.m. today from the National Emergency Alert System — an "extreme alert" message that led them to think the country was under attack.

The good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, our old pal Chris Christie, was out stumping for Mitt Romney in Iowa yesterday (poor guy) when local America- and capitalism-destroying monsters of Occupy Des Moines pulled out the "people's mic" on him.

In hindsight, it's regrettable that nobody believed 15-year-old Julio Artuz when he told them he was being bullied and humiliated by one of his teachers. People believe him now, though, because Artuz used his cellphone-video machine to catch his orange-shirted teacher in the act.

Artuz, who attends Bankbridge Regional School in New Jersey, told NBC that his enraged teacher's comments made him "feel like I'm trash." So he used the technology that God gave him and collected himself some damning evidence. After watching his video, we get the feeling that his teacher—who has been placed on administrative leave pending action by the local education board—won't be in a position to swear and threat to kick his ass anymore:

Tomorrow, America heads to the polls for what will be the most important political day in our lifetime: The 2011 Elections. And after a whole 15 minutes spent googling "elections tomorrow," your Gawker Political Desk feels it has an expert grasp on all of the crucial decisions to be made. Let's check out some of the exciting last-minute campaign efforts of candidates across this sunny land!

Police in Paterson, New Jersey announced on Wednesday that they'd arrested three men wanted for viciously assaulting two men with a machete inside a restaurant back in September. How'd they do it? They posted the surveillance footage on Facebook in an effort to crowdsource the investigation.

Goldman Sachs has taken plenty of well-deserved knocks over the last three years, but the man single-handedly most responsible for damaging the Wall St. giant's reputation hasn't worked there for more than a decade: Having done a tour as a shitty senator and a loathed governor, former CEO Jon Corzine has added failed futures broker to his post-Goldman career.

Working at a 7-11 during a robbery is a pretty frightening and humiliating experience. Even more humiliating is when the robbers lock you in a freezer afterward.

Another day, another weird sex-related news story starring a Republican politician from New Jersey. Today's installment stars Medford mayor and one-time Congressional candidate Chris Myers, who allegedly has a thing for blue Calvin Klein underpants and also rentboys—though maybe not, because have you heard about the nefarious things people do with this Photoshop computer-program stuff?

New Jersey state senate candidate Phil Mitsch knows just what America needs to get his awful state back on track: tax reductions, something called "mandatory mortgage loan modifications on at risk residential properties," and more cooperation from the ladies. "Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom," he recently tweeted.

A judge ruled today that prosecutors must release the name of the man who Tyler Clementi was having sex with when his roommate at Rutgers University, Dharun Ravi, broadcast their sexual activity over the internet.

It's been bad year for awesome dude Edward Forchion. Not only did his request to change his name to "NJWeedMan.com" get denied (thanks, Obama), but the packages of weed he sends to NJ Governor Chris Christie aren't getting through!

The good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, will endorse old creep Mitt Romney this afternoon in New Hampshire, according to various BREAKING reports. So... will Chris Christie run for president now? Oh, wait.

A whale that washed up on the Jersey shore recently wasn't killed by natural causes. It was... murder! Whale murder! Now authorities are on the hunt for the shadowy cetacean slayer.