PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Who knows? They may give you the upper hand in your ugly, ongoing custody battle. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the morning you spotted John Mayer waiting on the steak to cook at Mastro's.

Once again, technology has defeated an actress's principled commitment to never-nude virtue, as the combination of an HDTV broadcast and a blogger's pause button seems to have revealed a flash of nipple in Natalie Portman's portrayal of a resolutely clothed stripper in Closer. Those of you who'd like to honor Portman's wishes to leave her goodies unogled (at least until a role more nudity-appropriate than that of a conspicuously modest exotic dancer presents itself) should ignore this post and open a spreadsheet until new content appears, while the sickies who find that even the blurriest hint of an unintentionally bared areola inspires a bout of Pavlovian tumescence can move on to the NSFW version of the image after the jump, or to the full gallery at Egotastic.

• Eminem in whiteface. Someone, somewhere, is rolling in some grave, or something. [DealBreaker]
• TIME reporter claims magazine didn't touch Karr story. Claim eerily matches reality of Karr claim he touched JonBenet Ramsey. YEAH, WE'RE STILL DOING THIS. [Think Progress]
• Wired reviews Pitchfork Media. Gives it a 7.030032. Basically good, but a little bit derivative of [obscure reference], like some kind of [overwrought metaphor that doesn't actually make sense when you think about it for even two seconds]. [Wired]
• A CNN reporter has a private conversation in the bathroom while wearing a hot mic during President Bush's memorial Hurricane Katrina address. Embarrassing? Yes. Was anyone watching President Bush's memorial Hurricane Katrina address? No. [Wonkette]
•: Important Update on Bravest Actress of All Time: Natalie Portman is definitely doing something courageous, coyly seductive, and thoroughly Jewish, we're just not sure where. [One Park Avenue Reality]
• Maybe forcing millions of drunk people to interact in the same small corner at the edge of the city wasn't such a good idea after all. [VV]
• Union Square still has street cred. Where else can you enjoy Thai chili lime peanuts, free Ben & Jerry's milkshakes, and heroin? [ANIMAL]

The Post provides a startling reminder of the raw courage that is the American celebrity:

· We're pretty sure that when Mr. Internet first drew up his plans for the webosphere, he envisioned it solely as a means through which people could place bids on items of food half-eaten by pop stars and their layabout husbands.
· The first wave of inevitable Redstone Vs. Cruise t-shirts arrives, with Team Redstone apparel now on sale on CafePress. Next up: the Team Cruise "I wasn't fired, I quit" shirt.
· The Reeler takes a look at the Jewish Babe Renaissance led by Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johannson. Please insert your own joke about how this might affect Mel Gibson's feelings about the Chosen People.
· It's no Stuff On My Cat or Cats in Sinks, but RecordStoreCats isn't bad—and has a much higher potential for feline-induced motion sickness.
· William H. Macy on Lindsay Lohan and others of her inconsiderate, entitled, late-to-set ilk: "There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked."

• Has anyone ever looked quite so miserable while receiving an on-camera blowjob from Lindsay Lohan? He must know of the bacteria that's to come. [Yeeeah]
• Speaking of Miss Lohan: her new beau, Harry Morton, woefully underperforms in his first paparazzi getaway. [TMZ]
• Socialite/designer Tory Burch is splitting from her husband. Tragic — this is really going to throw a wrench in the Hamptons party schedule. [Page Six]
• How does Lauren Weisberger come up with dialogue? By secretly writing down her friends' conversations during social outings and sending them to herself on her BlackBerry. We love the method: if she continues to do this, she'll soon have no friends left, and thus no material. And then maybe she'll go away. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• The National Enquirer confirms that Star Jones did have gastric bypass surgery at Lenox Hill hospital, having her stomach stapled in two places. Obviously, hers wasn't a single-staple job. [Gatecrasher (4th item)]
• Alas, a retraction: Natalie Portman does not appear nude in Goya's Ghost; it's a body double. On the bright side, the footage is a nude torture scene, so you can still spank away. [Egotastic]
• CNBC anchor Joe Kernan loved Aquaman and can't wait to see Springtime for Hitler. [Page Six]

· The hands-down winner of the most intriguing lede of the day: "Few grown men get as fired up about princesses and fairies as Andy Mooney..." Also, "Magic blingdom" is a pretty amusing title. Is everyone at Variety totally high today? [Variety]
· Bloodthirsty CBS Corp warlord Les Moonves muses about taking baby-steps towards getting into the movie business, with an eye towards eventually crushing Viacom rival Tom Freston's Paramount product. [THR]
· HBO's Lucky Louie pulls in some decent ratings numbers after a week's worth of showings following its low-rated series premiere. [Variety]
· Natalie Portman and Eric Bana are in negotiations to star in The Other Boleyn Girl, a period drama whose lavish costumes will probably afford Portman yet another opportunity to avoid tastefully done cinematic nudity. [THR]
· News Corp wil expand MySpace into countries like France and Germany, where teenagers previously lacked a way to share their favorite Fall Out Boy songs in a web-based medium. [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Dylan McKay brooding in the Target toy department.

Hello! magazine reports that gangsta-rapping starlet Natalie Portman stopped by Columbia University on Monday to give an undergraduate lecture on counterterrorism. She went to Harvard, you know, which means she's in the position to educate the children of the lesser ivies on all matters of international import. Writes a student:

Watch it now, before NBC takes it away. God forbid the the show garners any positive buzz.

Blissfully unaware of the unpleasant undertones of a young Jewish girl addressing a roomful of Germans about the varied pleasures of having one's hair shaved off, Natalie Portman recently told a group of reporters at the Berlin International Film Festival how much she enjoyed going follicle free for the shooting of V for Vendetta:

· We already knew that Natalie Portman was unreasonably gorgeous in high school, so why do we need to bid on her yearbook? Because it will one day make her fall in love with us, that's why.
· Come on, sillies, George Clooney didn't literally mean he was considering suicide when he said that he was going to kill himself over his Syriana injuries. Don't be ridiculous. Who'd run the casino if he offed himself, Gerber? Pitt? Whatever.
· The LAT profiles Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter, in-house photographer for Drunken Hipster Quarterly. If you see him at a party (and you will—even hermits like us have bumped into the guy), hide—his magical lens makes everyone look like they're wasted and/or wearing headbands.
· Janet Jackson might have a "secret child" with an obscure DeBarge, says an even more obscure DeBarge. (For our purposes, all non-El DeBarges shall be labeled various degrees of obscure.)

Let's make sure we have this straight: Natalie Portman will let the V for Vendetta hair department shave her head and glue a strip of carpet down the middle because it makes sense for the role, but won't go topless when playing a stripper? OK, maybe this argument doesn't exactly track. We still have a lot of work to do before we've worked through our complicated feelings about Closer.

Having undergone the necessary preparations, Natalie Portman readies herself to be adopted by Angelina Jolie.