In your terrifying Tuesday media column: Nancy Grace is unstoppable, Robert Thomson is strangely attractive, a British newspaper editor is wrong, and Mississippi is king of journalism states!

Hollywood gays: Stay in the closet! That's what Rupert Everett ("Another Country," "My Best Friend's Wedding") told the UK's Guardian. Even though you may be happier in the end, your career will suck, which is the most important thing.

The most terrifying woman on cable news, Nancy Grace, turns 50 today. Director Sam Raimi and "Weird Al" Yankovic are both turning 50 today, too. Actor Ryan Reynolds is 33. Oscar-winning director Ang Lee is 55. Writer Augusten Burroughs is turning 44. ABC News correspondent Brian Ross turns 61. Jessica Stroup of 90210 is 23. Retired soccer legend Pelé is turning 69. Andy Warhol muse Jane Holzer is 69. And Meghan McCain turns 25 today. A list of people celebrating their birthdays this weekend is below.

Are Jennifer and Brad going to reconcile? Will Nancy Grace eat Jon Gosselin's face? Can Levi Johnston get in shape for Playgirl? And why do women find Jeremy Piven attractive? Welcome, inquisitive reader, to your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!

• The Condé Nast shake-up continues: A day after the company shuttered four titles, it's ousted the publisher of Details. And rumor has it the Condé cuts may now "inspire" similar such moves at Hearst and Time Inc. [AdAge, NYT, NYP]
• Ruth Reichl says she was completely surprised by the news Gourmet was closing. (She says she's planning to write a book about her years there.) And Gourmet's offices have since been completely cleared out. [NYT, Gawker]
• David Letterman should apologize on his show every night. His latest mea culpa generated better ratings than anything NBC aired during primetime. [AP]
• CBS is talking to Nancy Grace about hosting a Judge Judge clone. [B&C]
• The only big media company hiring and not firing? Bloomberg LP. [Crain's]

In your controversial Tuesday media column: A magazine tries to claim NYC as its own, Details loses a publisher, Nancy Grace is the next Judge Judy, and Madonna wants to suck a newspaper's life blood (money).

Famous prosecutor and TV commentator with absolutely no respect whatsoever for the fundamental principles of Western Criminal Justice Nancy Grace wrote a novel! It's about a hard-charging no-nonsense prosecutor....

It's been a rough few weeks for CNN. Ratings have falling fast, especially for primetime programs hosted by Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown, news that came to light the same day Brown rather bizarrely confessed her apartment had been invaded by "toxic mold" in recent months. To make matters worse, this past weekend the Daily News revealed that Jeffrey Toobin, CNN's very-much-married legal analyst, has been having an affair with the daughter of former colleague Jeff Greenfield, and may have even gotten her pregnant, too. So how is CNN CEO Jon Klein responding to the bad news?

Maniacal cable news host Nancy Grace turns 49 today. Also celebrating: Oscar-winning director Ang Lee turns 54. Memoirist Augusten Burroughs is 43. Novelist Michael Crichton turns 66. ABC News correspondent Brian Ross is 60. Spider-Man director Sam Raimi is turning 49. Retired soccer legend Pelé is 68. And "Weird Al" Yankovic is 49.

Harris Poll asked TV viewers, both Democrat and Republican, to name their favorite and least liked news personalities. The results of the survey, crunched and displayed on our chart, are fascinating.

Loony muckraker Nancy Grace hosts the legal talk show Nancy Grace on CNN. Abandon all hope, ye who argue with her.

Freakish vigilante Nancy Grace is set to spawn twins. The CNN anchor, whose inability to understand the concept of "innocent until proven guilty" has endeared her to the mass of Americans with "string 'em up" philosophies of justice and only the slightest concept of the protections provided under our Constitution, secretly wed an Atlanta investment banker in April, and she's telling the world. Just not her employers.

• If Nancy Grace joins "The View" does Elisabeth Hasselbeck lose her slot as designated crazy right-wing ranter? [TVNewser]
  

Do you harbor a murderous desire to see justice done? Are you not particularly concerned with that whole "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law" thing? Willing to hear the phrase "He should fry" uttered at least nine times an hour in the most grating Southern accent of all? Good news: CNN Anchor and Professional Victim Nancy Grace is looking for a producer! You'll need at least three years production experience in the television industry, good presentation skills, and "superb integrity." Also, you need to be quick on your feet with a rape joke. Applications currently being accepted!

• Time layoffs: Here's who's already gone. [Mediaweek]
  

• Headline News discovers what Fox has known all along: People like evil. [Chicago Tribune]
  

• Rosario Dawson and Jason Lewis break up when he discovers she's actually a dude. [Hollyscoop]
  

• Hey, got a second? Good, take a seat. We've got some distressing news for you, so brace yourself: Kevin Federline's unforgettable first single, "PopoZ o," will not be included on his debut album. We don't understand it either. It's just too soon to see something so great die; sob... [Idolator]
• At a book party he hosted for Arianna Huffington, former Viacom CEO Tom Freston threw FishbowlNY blogger Dylan Stableford out of his apartment. Aw. Jim Kelly would NEVER do that! [FishbowlNY]
• GQ editor leaves in favor of being in charge of big boobs at Penthouse. [Radar]
• Speaking of Huffington: if there were only 24 hours before the End of the World, she would blog. Someone get this lady outside, please. [92Y]
• Meet Dethroner, the smart boy blog from Gawker Media alum Joel Johnson, formerly of Gizmodo and performer of other ass-saving duties around HQ. [Dethroner]
• If the boys at Maxim, who'd fuck a rotten cantaloupe if given the chance, find Nancy Grace "unboinkable," you know it's time to put the old gal down. [Maxim]
• The Upper East Side property blown to pieces by Dr. Nicholas Bartha Bartha will be selling for $8 million million. [NY Sun]
• Should Glamour dating blogger have text-sex with a stranger in Iceland? Or should she fuck one of the seventeen other dudes she's publicly playing? [See Alyssa Date]
• Hey, did you hear about blogs? They're good for business. Seriously, if we have to read one more article like this, we're going to smash in every newspaper editor's face with our laptops. [WSJ]
• Jessica Joffe's reign of terror for Banana Republic comes to an end, letting media freaks return to buying overpriced merino without having to see her flaming red hair at every turn. [WWD (2nd item)]

• You'll find a lot of information in this David Carr piece on how journalists are forced to act like C.I.A. agents, "encoding files, shredding notes and switching cellphones." What you won't find is any mention of the Observer, which reported essentially the same story two Wednesdays ago. [NYT]
• Nancy Grace, desperate to wrest the title of World's Most Vile Human Being from Ann Coutler, adds plagiarism to her list of sins. Ann Coulter is 45. [NYDN]
• Chris Wallace was stunned that a non-confrontational question suggesting that Bill Clinton was responsible for the deaths of 3,000 American citizens might have been taken the wrong way. [FishbowlDC]
• James Truman, footloose and fancy free, is learning to live without Conde cash. Culture and Travel launches Friday. [NYT]
• Jon Friedman wonders why H-P never tapped his phone. Maybe it's because when you write columns like "The media world is in convulsions" you're pretty much identifying yourself as someone who has no new information. [Marketwatch]

• Pinch Sulzberger and cousin Michael Golden hope that a $4 million employee bribe might help them keep their jobs for a little while longer. [NYO]
• Jeff Koyen likes the new Times Reader software. Jeff Jarvis does not. If you're still awake after reading those sentences, send us over some of whatever you're on. [Wired]
• CBS' Les Moonves wants to buy "the next YouTube." Probably a savvy move to wait until the current one gets sued out of existence. [Reuters]
• We sort of feel like everyone who watches Nancy Grace should kill themselves; can you guess what we think about her guests? [BG]
• When a guy cites the phenomenally successful "Times Select" model as an example of "where the industry will have to go," it's probably a good idea to discount the rest of what he says as well. [Barnako]