The Today show just had a strange interview with controversial rapper 50 Cent, filmed at his 52-room mansion in Farmington, Connecticut (ghetto dreams only come true in WASPy enclaves). After Katie Couric awkwardly introduced the footage from his "crib," a correspondent did her damnedest to illustrate how 50 had cultivated an empire based on "his gangsta image." The entire segment was rather uneventful, save for this final interaction:

BREAKING! IMPORTANT PARKER POSEY UPDATE!
On Monday, we drooled over a Page Six item suggesting that flamey Observer vixen Jessica Joffe, having ended her relationship with mega-socialite Jamie Johnson, was now spending her evenings clutched in the gritty arms of disquieting indie rockster Ryan Adams. Surely this cannot be true! we thought. But WHAT IF? What of Adams's ex-lovebunny, East Village fixture/actress Parker Posey?

From today's Page Six, a staggeringly beautiful gem:

Yes, it's that Madonna, at that Misshapes.
And just when the disaffected hipsters had lost all hope, MadonnaClaus came down the chimney at Misshapes to save them all with her sack full of soap and smiles.

We can't remember the last time something in our inbox frightened us so:

A private moment displayed on network television.
This morning the Today show reached whole new levels of painfully awkward. Jazz trumpeter Chris Botti came on to promote his new album and was introduced by Katie Couric — who just happened to famously date Botti after the death of her husband. Um, how about some disclosure, NBC? That would, you know, help to explain why he put a $2 million dollar diamond necklace around her neck before his performance. Then Katie cut to commercial, breaking Botti's heart all over again.

To recap: Which legendarily cool and sweaty rapper likes the male groupies?

From today's piping-hot Popbitch missive:

New York Times New York/Region Section, October 11, 2003:

Hey you! Yeah, you! Do you have what it takes to be a part of rock 'n' roll history? Do you want to be forever immortalized in a money-losing vanity project museum in a mid-sized city you never visit? Here's the opportunity you've been waiting for! Up-and-coming rock band The Strokes are casting their newest video:

From the latest issue of Vogue, which proving to be a goldmine of inane comedy:

• A news article about outing people has been written — and there's is no mention Anderson "gayer-than-fauxhawks" Cooper. [AP via NYT]
• Bloomberg in High Holiday campaign calls shocker! [Politicker]
• Some sort of country singer gives us the greatest press release ever, in history. [Some Country Singer]
• There are currently 28 bids for what someone claims are Britney Spears' worn flip-flops, and we have lost just a little more faith in humanity. [eBay]

Remember last June, when the St. Marks Kim's Video was raided and all the employees hauled to jail?

According to this pleasant little report, incredithug rapper 50 Cent recently decided to give back to the New York community as much as possible in as little time as necessary: By merely handing out cash to kids. Alas, the man who made his name getting shot 5267 times was none too careful when counting his dollar bills. Instead of handing out $1800 as he intended, Fiddy mistakenly gave away $18000 to the neighborhood kids, prompting hysterics.

The Looker notes that both late author Susan Sontag and shock rocker Alice Cooper were/are daily movie-goers. So quit harping on the physical similarities, you pricks.

Shelter Numbers Decline, Benefit Concert Planned [AP]

Six or seven years ago, a bunch of friends got together to buy half of us a karaoke machine for our birthday. One person collected the money and was in charge of buying it, but a few deals fell through and then she left New York for law school, and so she gave us a check for the money they'd collected and told us to buy the machine ourselves. We never did, and we still feel a touch of guilt about the cash, which we never returned.

From the Department of Shit We Wish We Didn't Care About But Can't Help Ourselves: Pete Doherty, formerly the lead singer for Brit-rocket outfit The Libertines, now of Babyshambles and a rehab facility near you, is claiming to have secretly wed supermodel Kate Moss. The two have had a very public on-again, off-again relationship, which was never short on drama thanks to Doherty's romantic heroin and crack problems. (Although we have to admire the perseverance of an addict who goes to fucking Thailand for rehab.) Exactly the sort of father Moss has been looking for her daughter Lila, no doubt.

• Princess Michael of Kent — best known for spewing racist diarrhea all over Da Silvano last year — has now offended Oprah loving housewives around the world, claiming that the late Princess Diana was "nasty" and little more than a "womb." [Page Six]
• Photographer Dave LaChapelle claims that Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are "everything that's wrong with music." Way to go out on a limb there, dude. [Lowdown]
• Great news for The Gays: Pop singer Kylie Minogue has undergone surgery and chemo for breast cancer and, according to sister Danii, is doing well. [IOL]
• Kanye West isn't the only one noting that George Bush is pigementally-challenged. [R&M]
• And, of course, the devastating inadequacy of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina sure does look like a promising project for documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. [Scoop]

• Oh. My. God. Currently imprisoned Michael Lohan, father of innocent actress Lindsay, has penned a song to his daughter. And he sent it to Lloyd Grove, who's reprinted it in all of its glory. A sampling: I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem! [Lowdown]
• More hurricane tragedy: Rapper Juvenile's New Orleans home has been destroyed. Trent Lott's we could handle, but not this. [R&M (2nd item)]
• A holla to our favorite Star Jones impersonator, drag queen Flotilla DeBarge, who shared the Next mag Out There Award for Press Whore of the Year with gay porn star Michael Lucas. We're surprised the award didn't go to the actual Jones, but maybe next year. [Page Six]