Gwyneth Paltrow to Feed Jon Pareles an Apple
From the latest issue of Vogue, which proving to be a goldmine of inane comedy:
When I mention a particularly vituperative review called "The Case Against Coldplay" in The New York Times, [Paltrow] tells me that though she doesn't read her own reviews, she read that piece. "It was the first time I thought, I wish this writer [Jon Pareles] extreme misery and bodily harm. Of course my husband doesn't care. It's interesting how when you're the artist, it doesn't matter. But if you're a partner to that person, it's just a dagger to the heart."
You have to wonder: What sort of bodily harm, exactly, would Paltrow inflict? Would she bind and gag Pareles and dress him in an ugly WTO t-shirt? Prop his eyelids open and tie him up in front of a looped screening of Great Expectations? Force-feed him processed white bread and Lipton products? Strong-arm him into listening about how motherhood has absolutely changed her life? The possibilities for pain with this woman are endless.
