After a toxic poison burned the eyes of Saddleback Church's Pastor Rick Warren, he tweeted a request for prayers. Three hours later, the anti-gay mega-church creationist who gave Obama's inaugural invocation had been saved! Let us relive the miracle.

Behold! This teeny-tiny roe deer's mother died in a car crash, but moments after mama's death, little baby Bambi struggled out of the womb and survived. It'd be creepy as hell if the result weren't so adorable. [Daily Mail] Updated!

Louisiana legislators passed a resolution asking residents to pray today for the end of the oil spill. Said State Senator Robert Adley: "it is clearly time for a miracle for us." Said God: "But... I'm almost at 150 million gallons!"

A ten-year-old Dutch boy is perhaps the lone survivor among the 104 souls aboard Afriqiyah Air flight 8U771, which crashed last night in Tripoli. He's been taken to the hospital with "bone injuries." They're calling it a miracle. Sigh. [CNN]

A shooting victim in Spain received the face and the underlying muscles of a donor "including cheekbones, nose, lips and teeth." The operation took 30 Spanish doctors 22 hours to perform. [BBC]

Ignoring the history of scientific observation, ICP's "Miracles" asks the tough questions ("fuckin' magnets: how do they work?"), and investigates every order of natural phenomena, from rainbows to DNA, chocking it all up to magic. There's no denying Juggalogic!

Wondering why Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, the clown-faced gentlemen who comprise "The Insane Clown Posse" are rapping about "miracles" like the Niagara falls, pyramids, and "fuckin' magnets" in their odd, internet-famous new video? Wonder no more!

A 28 year-old Haitian man named Edward Muncie was pulled from the rubble yesterday after being trapped for four weeks(!). May we just say "god damn?" In less uplifting news, the earthquake's death toll is now 230,000.

A teenage Haitian girl who was in the shower when her house collapsed was rescued alive yesterday, 15 days after the earthquake. "[She] mumbled something about having a little Coca-Cola with her in the rubble." Sign her up, Coke. [AP]

Scientists who were definitely All Fucked Up have found the long-sought treatment that soothes troubled heroin addicts: Heroin.

Scientists have finally pinned down the gene mutation that allows two peculiar superhuman women to function on a mere 6.5 hours of sleep per night. One day that could be you! [NYT]

A prematurely born baby: died, given a death certificate, had funeral arrangements made for him. Then he started crying from his box. Also, I read the tag on the linked post as "Old Stuff," which - LOLZ - terrible. [Guanabee]

Living the hobo life really does save money. The New York Times Co. just announced that they actually made money in the second quarter. Cutting all expenses and selling off everything works! Uh, sort of.

The South Carolina Republican leadership has decided to "censure" folksy sex troll Mark Sanford, essentially letting him get away with his South American fornication forays. They then proclaimed this "sad chapter" closed and called for "a time for healing."

The only survivor known survivor thus far of the Yemeni plane that crashed with 153 people aboard last night off the coast of the island nation of Comoros is a five-year-old child.

I am of course referring to Kristin Cavallari, Lauren Conrad's arch nemesis. Now that LC is leaving the reality show she built with meek facial expressions, MTV has tapped the villainess to do 10 episodes.

Jonathan Tilove is a veteran Washington reporter who's seen three different employers close their bureaus in the past year. Have faith: this week, the Virgin Mary appeared on his desk:

Whatttttttt...a private equity firm has voluntarily purchased a newspaper—presumably in exchange for money! The San Diego Union-Tribune is now owned by a firm that vows to make it "thrive" once more. Sounds fun!

Cockpit recorders on US Airways Flight 1549 indicate both engines failed at 3,200 feet, soon after takeoff, federal officials said. The crew was reportedly very collected, including the flight attendants, now official heroes.

The plane comes down into the water right around the two minute mark and it's very grainy. But that blur of silver does give you a sense of just how smoothly Chelsey B. Sullenberger III was able to touch down. The rest shows the first minutes of passengers exiting onto the wings and the first ferry boat arriving to their rescue. Given that the US Airways flight went down in one of the most densely populated places on earth under virtual police-state surveillance, we actually expected more footage than this to come out. [Update As commenter Claire Buoyant points out, the BBC has clips from two other angles.] Still, this will do for now.