While the rumors of the CW's demise haven't quite been greatly exaggerated, they're looking a little premature this morning as news of the network's upfront success trickles out. Amid panic over plunging ratings and the looming ouster of boss Dawn Ostroff, the House of Gossip Girl apparently wrapped up its advance sales with as much as $370 million — about half of last year's numbers but not half-bad under the circumstances. 90210 apparently speaks for itself, after all:

Wild urban youngsters these days are all eating magic fruit and guzzling Tabasco sauce, and there's really nothing you or the authorities can do about it. Internet-savvy hipsters flock to Long Island City rooftop parties where a dealer/ guru named "Supreme Commander" hands them crazy berries to chew on, sending them into blissful fits of uncontrolled food-sampling. If it spreads, this "flavor tripping" phenomenon threatens to destroy the traditional notion of exotic seasonings that hip chefs in hip restaurants in hip neighborhoods have worked so hard to achieve. Because, let's face it: these magic berries sound awesome:

Some AP photographer was roaming around Yankee stadium during the rain delay, and who did he stumble upon but overweight deceased SNL comedic maniac Chris Farley! Farley, who passed away in 1997, apparently assumed human form once again in order to take in the historic final opening day in the classic ballpark. The identity of his female companion remains unknown. Click to enlarge the pic, via the WSJ.