Just hours after excoriating the "carnival barkers" who corral the gullible into darkened tents for a fleeting glimpse of "Obama: The Man Raised by Kenyan Wolves," the president found himself inside another kind of sideshow entirely: The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Behold the jelly-shaking rapture of supreme funk goddess Beyoncé Knowles, seen here performing "Move Your Body" — a high-impact, aerobicized version of her 2007 hit, "Get Me Bodied." You remember that one. It was like "Girls (Who Run the World)" — except it was good.

The White House has released Barack and Michelle Obama's 2010 tax returns! These grifters really cashed in, too: $1,728,096 in adjusted gross income, mostly from book royalties. How much did you poor slugs make last year in the last remaining American profession, selling handjobs outside the T.G.I. Friday's? Probably not $1,728,096 in adjusted gross income! We need a fellow poor guy like Donald Trump in the Oval Office, soon.

Barack and Michelle Obama will return to their old stomping grounds to tape an episode of Oprah on April 27, airing May 2. It's one of Oprah's last broadcasts, and should be a good one. But is she in? [Tribune]

First Lady Michelle Obama, who has the nerve and audacity and dare I say uppitiness to want our children to eat better and live healthier, ought to be knocked down to her proper place upon hearing this: Illinois's 1st Congressional District, which includes Obama's South Side Chicago home turf, ranks 430th out of 436th in a new national health and well-being survey, and dead last in the "healthy behavior category." Boom.

Everyone knows that when Michelle Obama wears something in public, it's either going to sell out or cause a controversy. What everyone doesn't know is that there is plenty of behind-the-scenes drama among the women who dress her.

Is "Michelle Obama is Fat" a thing now? Because conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh spent part of his Monday show strongly implying that the first lady is, like, portly (you can listen by clicking below)—

Michelle and Barack Obama's marriage shines like a beacon of hope across our divorce-strewn land. If they can keep it together through grueling elections and harrowing national crises, surely the rest of us can. Now Michelle is spilling the secret to the super-strong love cement that holds them together just in time for Valentine's Day—her Guaranteed Love Cure for Couples. Misery, Begone!

On today's Good Morning America, Robin Roberts and Michelle Obama sat down to talk about the First Lady's campaign for better nutrition for America's troops. Cue comments about socializing the military in 3, 2, 1...

Pedestrian deaths increased in 2010, and it was Michelle Obama's fault. This is what we're learning today! Specifically: Maybe if Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign wasn't urging people to exercise regularly, cars would hit them less often?

Wal-Mart today announced a five-year plan to modestly reduce sodium, sugar, and trans fats in all the food it sells. For this, they got a press conference with Michelle Obama in a sleeveless dress. Totally worth it. [NYT]

[Michelle Obama was all high fives after Barack, Malia and Sasha finished singing "Happy Birthday" to her while observing Martin Luther King Jr. Day at a local middle school. Image via Getty]

[The first family is back in Washington following their vacation in Hawaii, a considerably better place that's far, far away from Mitch McConnell. Fancy-pantsed Michelle Obama clearly realizes how terrible a development this is. Image via AP.]

Here's a clip from tonight's Sarah Palin's Alaska. Watch as Palin condescendingly pretends to be domestic, insults Michelle Obama, dances around the issue of daughter Willow's boyfriend, and defends giving her children lots of freedom—all in two minutes!

[Michelle Obama isn't coming to town, but she is helping the Marines sort 100,000 toys for their Toys for Tots program. Image via Getty]

Barack Obama and his regal wife Michelle are not on the invite list for Prince William's wedding next year. The royal says he wants to invite "ordinary citizens." French president Nicolas Sarkozy will get invited, however. Ordinary indeed!

Dear Michelle Obama, I think your husband should legalize immigration. Please put a statue of me in Echo Park.

Indonesia's conservative information minister, Tifatul Sembiring, is eating so much crow for shaking Michelle Obama's hand upon the Obamas' arrival in Jakarta. Sembiring makes a point of not touching unrelated women! So he's awkwardly blaming Michelle Obama for this.

U.S.-India relations were advanced this week when Barack and Michelle Obama did some public dancing. This clip shows it all: Barack on The Mashed Potato, and Michelle mixing The Twist and Ride the Horsey. Michelle's on fire! Barack... good enthusiasm.

Yesterday, the world was gifted with a video of President and Mrs. Obama bustin' some moves with children in Mumbai, India. Now, not 24 hours later, we have this remix: same video, new soundtrack (50 Cent's "In Da Club").